


Best seen in the Dark

by ProblemBacteria



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Animal Death, Bethany and Carver Hawke Live, Bisexual Female Character, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Slow Burn, mc has no magic, mc knows abt dragon age, no body snatching, we made it to kirkwall babey, will add tags as we go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2020-06-27 06:26:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 42,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19785097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProblemBacteria/pseuds/ProblemBacteria
Summary: The ways Nadine was planning on spending her evening included having a cup of tea and a nice conversation with her cat, as per usual. Waking up on the outskirts of a village that reminded her of an old video game was not included. In fact, neither was learning to live a completely different life.(Going until the end of DA:2)





	1. Unruly Weather

**Author's Note:**

> I've had a handful of chapters collecting dust so i thought i might as well start posting them. will add more tags when appropriate. im also dyslexic with no beta reader so uh, i tried my best.

**The sun** showered the backyard in an orange hue. An old swing set creaked as a gust of wind pushed it forward. A simple evening, it seemed. A young woman grinned as she lunged forward, sword in hand. Her movements were sloppy and not practiced at all, but that wasn’t her goal in the first place.

Every twirl and step she made was exaggerated as she nearly made herself dizzy. Safe from the prying eyes of her family or friends, she let herself laugh as she played alone like a child. 

“ _Mrow.”_ By a sliding glass door sat a cat, watching every movement of the human. The girl jumped at the sound and dropped her sword without a second thought. 

It fell to the grass with a ‘thump’. She sighed as she placed her hand over her heart, trying to catch her breath. “Really? Sneaking up on me like that? Not fair..” She muttered, but a ghost of a smile crept onto her lips. 

The cat meowed again. 

She lazily grabbed the sword with one hand, swinging it in her hand as she walked to the door. “Alright, alright.” She said. 

She nudged the sliding glass door open with a surprising amount of effort on her end. She huffed as she stood in the doorway, still trying to push it all the way open. Her cat trotted inside as she struggled. She sighed and gave up with a grumble. Close enough.

She left the door open as walked her way to the kitchen, enjoying the crisp evening air. The wooden floors creaked under each step they took until the sounds were replaced with the silence of the kitchens linoleum tiles. The cat jumped onto the counter and stalked over to the girl as she opened the fridge. She laughed as the cat tried to peer over her arms to see the can of food. She held her elbow out in an attempt to have enough room to even open the can, let alone put it on a plate. 

“You act like you’re starving,” The girl mumbled. She was never good at ‘baby talk’, but her mumbles and mutters served the same purpose. Spoken with affection. 

She leaned back on the counter as she watched her cat eat. The kitchen was clean, but cluttered. In moments of stress, the girl always cleaned. Scrubbing the counters and floors like her life depended on it. The windows where always open as a result, just to get the heavy smell of chemical cleaners out. 

It could get a bit obsessive at times, but it was manageable and better than the alternative.

But the girl liked it. She liked her weird little system. 

“ _Nadine!”_

The girl jumped, but then quickly looked frustrated. The shouting was followed by heavy knocks on the front door. The girl cursed to herself as she jogged over, nearly tripping on the old rug leading up to it. 

The moment the door was open, a short, fair skinned older woman was already butting her way inside. 

“Lock yourself out of you house again?” The girl asked with a sigh as she closed the door. Her hands already began to reach to her lock pick set on the table due to habit. The woman huffed in response. 

“ _No,”_ She defended with a scoff. “Do you have any tea?” Nadine blinked, then slowly nodded. The older woman followed the girl to the kitchen in a resigned type of silence. The woman smiled at the sight of the cat, even if it didn’t even bother to look at her. 

As she turned the kettle on, the woman sat at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. She let out a heavy breath as she relaxed. “You know Williams down the street from here?” The old woman began. The girl nodded, even though she didn’t recognize the name. “Their son went missing last night.”

The girl shook her head with a frown. “Geez,” She said. “The police haven’t found _anything?_ That’s the third person this month. All those poor families...”

The kettled whistled and she took out two boxes of tea. The older woman muttered something about ‘only having peppermint’, but the girl was already putting the tea bags in. “Do you think it's traffickers? Or something like that?” The girl asked. 

“Maybe, at this point, it could be anything.” The girl put the cups on the table. The older woman wrapped her hands around the cup as the steam rose. “The police will probably come around here,” The woman said.

Nadine chewed at her lips and took a sip of her tea. It was too hot, burning her tongue. “I’ll be fine.”

The woman rolled her eyes. “You act like your guilty for everything. A man could die in Russia and you’d wonder if you had anything to do with it.” 

She mumbled a ‘yeah’. She wouldn’t deny it, Nadine was always ready to accept the blame, intentionally or not. Even if she didn’t say it out loud, her body language always suggested that she was guilty of _something._ She flicked her elbow length black hair behind her shoulders and looked into her tea cup, as if it had an explanation for why the girl was like the way she was.

“I just wanted to give you a heads up, so you could try and calm your nerves before hand.” The old woman said. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you, Edith.” Nadine said, “Was that all?”

“Well, I also ran out of tea at home.”

“Ah.”

The older woman laughed, but it sounded more like a snort. She sipped her tea as the girl went to wash off the cats plate. When she was younger, silence made the girl anxious. Like she did something wrong. But now, it wasn’t so bad. She had the older woman's patience to thank for that.

Edith was a bit odd. Her dirty mismatched clothes seemed to be a choice, along with the multiple ill fitting rings on her fingers. She always had to adjust them and lost at least one per day. Her make up was unflattering in the conventional sense. Foundation settled into her fine lines, messy uneven eyeliner applied with a shaking hand, lips dried up like a raisin and poorly overdrawn.

That was Edith. 

Safe to say, Nadine _really_ liked the old woman. 

After the older woman finished her tea, the two prepared to say their goodbyes. By then, the sun was already down. The stars would have been sparkling in the sky, if not for the heavy clouds.

“I’ll stop by tomorrow morning,” The older woman said in the doorway, buttoning up her tattered jacket. “I’ll bring scones for breakfast, does that sound good?”

There was a glint in the older woman’s eyes and a lingering feeling of melancholy in her words. It left an uneasy feeling in the girls chest as she nodded.

She watched through the window as the old woman began to walk home in the dark. She wondered if she should have offered to drive Edith home, but couldn’t remember a time when she ever saw the old woman in a car at all. _She’ll be fine,_ Nadine told herself. 

The girl flopped onto the couch and rubbed her eyes. The couch was old with a horrid floral print, but the moment she saw the damn thing at the thrift store she knew she had to have it. It felt homey and it was a bit _too_ fluffy, making it perfect in her eyes. 

Her cat jumped onto the arm rest with its tail swaying behind it. Ever since she adopted the rascal cat it became glued to her hip, never letting her out of its sight. It was weary around everyone else, either ignoring them or hiding away. 

“You know Alke,” The girl sat up on her elbows as she talked to the cat, “I think Edith is up to something.”

The cat meowed in response, and the girl nodded thoughtfully.

“Yeah, I shouldn’t judge. She’s been nice to me so far.” She hummed. “But... I don’t know. It’s weird that she’s the only one who even welcomed me into town. She’s the only one who even _looks_ at me, and I’ve lived here for years. Am I just paranoid?” 

Another loud meow followed.

The girl shook her head. “No, I’m not calling my dad. He’d get worried and try to talk me into going home.” She frowned and swiped her phone off of the coffee table, “If news about all the kidnappings doesn’t get to him first.” 

She tapped away at her phone, “There’s already a shit ton of articles about Clearfalls.” She scrolled down and narrowed her eyes, “Fuck, from major news outlets too. When they find out another kid had just been snatched, it’ll be on TV for sure.” 

She groaned and shut off her phone. “He’s going to call. Maybe even mom too. Fu--” She started to curse, but cut herself off. She put her head in her hands and let out a deep breath. She could feel herself starting to get worked up. 

Her cat jumped down next to the human and purred. The girl smiled and relaxed as the cat made itself comfortable on her lap.“Right. There’s nothing I can do about it.” She said with a soft voice. “You know, sometimes I feel like you actually understand me. Or at least, you don’t, uh, find my stupid rambling crazy.”

The cat didn’t respond that time.

Nadine Grimshaw lived alone in Clearfalls. Three years ago today, she turned eighteen and left home. Sometimes she forgot what she was so scared of that made her move across the country. Her communication with her family since then had been brief. 

She wasn’t alone though. She adopted her cat Alke a few months into starting her new life. He was old and nearing death, but that didn’t stop her from taking him in. The people at the shelter were shocked that Alke warmed up to her so fast, seeing as he hissed and hide away from anyone who came close. 

Nadine was a translator online and occasionally tutor, making it so she rarely had to leave the house. She didn’t have health insurance or dental, but she took what she could get. Not having to leave her house was good enough for her.

If you asked her how’d she described herself, she’d take a while to answer. 

She was a bit childish, she’d say. Determined, if she was feeling good about herself. She tried her best, most days. But ‘Most days’ were becoming harder to get through. 

The sky grew darker and darker before the heavy clouds that loomed over the town began to rain. The wind howled outside as Nadine waited for the kettle in the kitchen, all too used to the gloomy weather. The town was always like that, dreary and tired. Almost stuck in a perpetual circle of late autumn air and heavy downpours. 

That was why she moved there in the first place. She liked the sense of isolation it brought. 

A roar of thunder suddenly shook the house, shaking the very foundation it sat on. The refrigerator rumbled and tea cups fell from their shelves as Alke let out a confused ‘ _Mrooow!”._

So much for a quiet night in.

Hot water splashed onto Nadine's hands from the kettle, causing her to yelp in pain. As she scrambled to turn on the kitchen sink she realized that the rain sounded _much_ more clear than it should be and the house oddly dropped in temperature.

_The back door_

She nearly fell as she raced to the door, the rumble of the storm not providing any comfort. When she turned the corner, her heart sank as rain poured into her home. 

She raced to the door, grabbing the handle right before she slipped. She cursed as she accidentally stepped on a broken tea cup, feeling a hot swell of blood from the new cut on the bottom of her foot. She tried to pull the door closed, but she nearly slipped again. Her heart began to race out of her chest.

She tried to pull the sliding door closed once more, only to grimly realize that it was jammed. The wind and rain was growing harsher, completely drenching her. She shivered as she adjusted her grip on the handle.

With all her might, she prepared to try once again.

Her eyes lit up in relief as she heard the door become unjammed. Just as she went to finally close the sliding door, a jagged streak of light _erupted_ from the sky, striking down in the middle of the yard, right where she was playing earlier.

As the light faded and the sound of rain returned, no one stood on the door way. Only the slight sizzle of energy floated in the air, leaving no signs of the girl who lived alone in Clearfalls with her cat.


	2. A Blacksmiths Help

**The high pitched ringing** in her ears was the only company Nadine had when she woke up alone in an odd cabin. From the sound of birds chirping outside to the scratchy blanket that covered her, she became aware that she wasn’t in her bedroom rather fast. 

Her body felt weak when she tried to sit up completely. Her hair clung to her skin, all clammy and dirty. She raised a hand to her forehead and sighed. She was running a fever, that was for sure. It must have been because of the chaos from last night. She couldn’t remember anything after lightning struck right in front of her, which was crazy just to think about. She cringed at the mess she’d have to clean up. 

She would deal with that later, right now she had more pressing issues to deal with. 

With a furrowed brow, she tried to raise the blanket slightly. Any drowsiness was promptly dashed away as she realized that aside from being dressed in clothing that was not her own, she was littered in injuries. 

She frantically looked at her arms, looking in horror at bruises that covered her. Bright purples and vibrant reds trailed up and down her long arms. Her wrists were even worse off, looking as if they were bound at some point. She tried to move her legs, but a shooting pain raced through her body making her freeze. Slowly, her hands ghosted over her throat, finding more sore and aching bruises.

_Oh god, what happened to me?_

She closed her eyes and reminded herself to breathe. She’d get nothing done if she had a panic attack. She could panic when she was _home._ Yet no deep breathing could stop the shake of her hands. So she let her hands smooth over the blanket she was wrapped up in, tracing over the patterns of the stitching. It must have been hand made, she thought. Her fingers messed with the fabric, finding comfort in the warm familiarity. 

Another deep breath, and she opened her eyes. 

Good enough.

As she glanced around the room with a bit of a more clear mind, she saw bandages, bottles that had drops of some red liquid (it couldn’t be blood, as it was a bit too bright), and a small wash bin under the nightstand with a cloth thrown on the edge. There were no chains in sight, nor any thing that could have caused the bruising on her body. Whoever brought her here must have been taking care of her.

Or, so she tried to tell herself.

She lifted her head to look around the room, ignoring the sharp pain it caused. She was indeed, in a stone cabin. Dull grey stones lined the four walls, and they didn’t look decorative. A sword and shield was hung up on the wall with an air of pride surrounding it. It looked very real, which was rather off putting. 

The room itself just had enough space for the bed she was on, a wooden nightstand ( _Was everything here hand made?),_ and a chair crammed in the corner. Early morning light poured in from a window above the bed, causing the glint of metal to catch her eye.

_No, it couldn’t be._

There was her sword, propped up by the end of the bed. Expect.... It wasn’t. _Her_ sword was a shitty nerf sword that was probably discontinued by now. That sword at the end of the bed was real. It’s size and shape was _exactly_ like hers though. She groaned. If she could just think a little more clearly, then she’d be able to figure everything out. 

She didn’t have time to process the sound of footsteps on the other side of the door before the doorknob was already turned. Instinctively, she sunk down further into the bed. As if the blanket would take pity on her and hide her away.

In the doorway was an old man, just a bit too tall to walk under the door frame without ducking. His long grey hair blended in with his beard, and his grey tired eyes and pale skin seemed to fade together. He wore heavy leather that was layered over thick black fabric. Along his hip was a belt lined with multiple tools. 

As he walked in, as did the smell of melting iron and soot.

“So the princess finally awakes.” He gruffed. Nadine blinked at him. “I found you right outside the woods. Looked nearly dead.”

“What--” Her voice was rough. She frowned as she placed her hand around her throat, remembering that it too was swollen.

The man walked into the room and knelt next to her, handing her the tin cup of water. “I’m no healer, but I did what I could.” He went on to say. “What in the Maker happened to you? Runnin’ from someone?”

Nadine blanked at the word ‘Maker’. That was... a Dragon Age thing, right? She remembered playing the first game when she was around fourteen. Whoever the old man was, he was definitely too old to be into Dragon Age. The cabin probably didn’t even have power. Maybe he had grandkids who said it and he just picked it up? Saying it to try and be ‘hip’ and ‘cool’?

The old man took her confused look as an answer. “Don’t remember?” He shook his head like he was expecting that. He got up with a huff, his joints cracking as he did so. “At least have a name?”

“Nadine.” She croaked out and quickly another sip of the water, hoping that it wasn’t drugged. Pain made it easy to throw out critical thinking skills, apparently. 

He nodded. “Well Nadine,” He said, “Now that you’re awake, I can snag a healer from the Chantry to take a look at you. Always better to ask, I’ve found. You’re no mage, are you?”

The....Chantry? Mage?

Oh. 

Oh _Fuck._ This guy was crazy! She was kidnapped by some crazy man! Nadine closed her eyes and reminded herself to breathe. He’s asking her if he could bring someone else here. That would help clear some things up, wouldn’t it? Right?

Pushing down her panic, she answered. “ _No mage. Yes healer.”_

“Yeah, thought so. Never met a mage who carried a sword for fun. Still,” He tilted his head, glancing at the sword in question. “Always better to be safe.”

He walked back over to the doorway after telling her to stay put. Not like she had much of a choice, anyways. 

Alone again, Nadine proceeded to freak out. Yeah, therapy didn’t teach her what to do when she was in a video game. Wait, no--she was getting ahead of herself again. He was probably just crazy. 

Wait no, that was mean. He’s probably just old and is just....Ugh! She shook her head, now wasn’t the time to worry about being polite!

She chewed her bottom lip. _Okay,_ she thought, _let’s just go with it for now. Then, when I’m better, I can leave! Or escape, if it comes down to it. If he is a bit...like that, I don’t want to piss him off. But right now I can’t do anything. I just have to accept that. Everything will be fine._

She glanced back to the sword at the end of the bed. He said it was hers, didn’t he? 

She leaned to the side, wincing as another shot of pain ran through her. She tried her best to ignore it for the sake of her curiosity. She needed something to focus on. 

As she dragged it across the bed, she realized how much heavier it was than she first thought. It was real metal, not a flimsy thing made of foam. She tried to be careful to avoid cutting the blanket as she held it by the grip. She poked the end of the sword with her pinky and watched in awe ( _Or horror),_ as blood trickled down. 

There was no doubt that this _was_ her old nerf sword. That man did look like a blacksmith, so maybe he made this to mess with her? But no one could make a sword that fast, and for what reason?

She was about to put the sword down with a huff, but before she could, she caught her reflection. 

She...looked like shit. She was still herself, if that was even in question. Her olive skin looked duller than usual, due to her sickly state. Her narrow face and flat nose where still there, and her dark blue eyes where just as droopy as ever. Her earing on her right earlobe was gone, though. The stitches holding her ear together suggested that it was ripped out. Luckily her nose ring and tongue ring where still there.

She chewed at her lips again. If only Alke was here, then she’d have someone to bounce ideas with. Saying her thoughts out loud always made them more clear, but she wasn’t about to start _actually_ talking to herself. Talking to her cat was just a little more socially acceptable. 

Oh no, _Alke_ . If Nadine was _here,_ that meant her baby was all alone! At least Edith said she’d stop by tomorrow morning...or is tomorrow morning now this morning? Oh god, everything was so fucked up.

Nadine let sword fall to the ground and lied back down with a sigh. What was she supposed to do? 

Apparently just wait for that supposed healer from the Chantry. 

If she had the energy she’d cry, but that wouldn’t happen. She was never much of a crier in even her most depressed of states.

Staring up at the ceiling, she wondered what she would do if she really was in Thedas. She wasn’t the strongest of people, and she didn’t consider herself very smart either. 

She took another deep breath. She was good at doing that, at least. 

* * *

**Sister Sophia** was a kind woman. Her hair was short and blonde, with thin lips and a pointed nose. She worse the typical Chantry Sister grown, with deep browns and soft pinks stitched together. It made Nadine anxious. 

The Chantry sisters hands were gentle as she examined Nadine’s bruising. The red vile she handed her smelled earthy and kinda like those ‘all natural’ pills. She hesitated as she held it in her shaking hands. Everything was... too much. It felt too _real._

She was in too much pain to think about the actual ramifications of drinking whatever was handed to her. Any hope that Nadine had about that man just being a crazy person was quickly fading. 

“You should have brought her to the Chantry the moment you found her, Rufus.” The Chantry sister said. Sophia seemed to glare at the old man standing in the doorway at every chance she had. 

The old man scoffed. “You people love to overstep your boundaries” He replied, “Never ask what someone wants, you just _do.”_

“We do what’s best.” She replied, but then shook her head. They must have had that argument before. She turned her attention back to Nadine. “Is your throat feeling any better? The potion should have helped the swelling almost immediately.” 

Nadine hesitantly ghosted her hand over her throat before she spoke. “Y-Yeah, It’s a lot better. Thank you.”

“Of course, we help all those in need.” She shot a sideways glance at Rufus, who rolled his eyes. “What you need most is sleep, the rest of your bruising will fade within the next few days. No broken bones, as far as I could find. You must have gone through something horrible, poor dear.”

Sister Sophia walked over to Rufus and said something that Nadine couldn’t hear, to which he nodded. He looked back at Nadine, “I’ll be back with some food, don’t strain yourself, girl.”

With that, the two left Nadine alone. She could hear them talking in hushed whispers through the thin walls, presumably about her. It made her feel like a child, which was a silly thought and she knew it. Their concern seemed to be genuine, which made her stomach turn. Oh god, she hoped she wasn’t going to puke up the potion she was given. She wasn’t prepared to think about the actual consequences of being in Thedas.

After a few minutes, Rufus returned with two bowls of porridge. It had a faint smell of maple syrup, which she was grateful for. She always hated plan oatmeal. Then again, now wasn’t the time to get picky. 

He placed both of them on the nightstand before sitting in the chair in the corner. Nadine held her bowl in hand, wondering what she got herself into.

“So, any memories come back yet?” His asked, not waiting to beat around the bush at all. Nadine paused. 

“I...Don’t know. One moment I was at home with my cat, next I was here.” She slowly said, frowning as she looked at her bowl. She was suddenly losing her appetite. “There’s been people disappearing in my town, though. I thought it was....”

She paused, should she go alone with the ‘In Thedas’ thing? She frowned, “....Slavers.”

That wasn’t a lie, so it wasn’t too hard to say. Traffickers, slavers--same thing. A brief grim expression passed on Rufus’s face. “Shit. Where’re you from?”

Nadine opened her mouth, but quickly closed it. Rufus seemed to accept her silence. “Can’t remember for sure? That’s alright. You have a bit of a Marcher’s accent, but with all your piercings you could even be from Rivain.” He hummed. “Don’t worry about it, it’ll come back in time.” He sounded sympathetic, which was somewhat of a relief. 

“Y-yeah, I hope so.” She said. He knew way too much about Dragon age. No way he just picked it up from listening to grandkids or something. “So, uh, where exactly am I?"

“Have a spoon full of your porridge first.” He said. He watched as she grimaced at the taste of the porridge and gave a brief chuckle. There wasn’t that much maple syrup in it after all.“Good, you need to get your strength back. You’re in Ferelden. Lothering, to be specific, we’re a farming village, mostly.”

She nearly dropped her spoon in her oatmeal. This just kept getting worse. She wanted to ask about the blight, but how would she justify knowing? She chewed her lip. “Is it...safe here?”

“Of course. Don’t worry, nothing gonna happen to you.” He said. He stood up from his seat and took his now empty bowl. “Now, finish up your meal and get some rest, we can talk more once you heal up.” 

The door closed behind him. 

Yeah. They could talk later.

Yeah.


	3. The First Step

**Days turned into weeks** since Nadine first woke up in a place that was not her home. Though, no matter how much time passed--the fear that rattled her bones when she was told she was in Lothering, a place that wasn’t _real,_ never seemed to fade. 

The blacksmith, Rufus, that had been taking care of her, had been patient with her so far. Never asking her _how_ running from slavers could lead her to a simple farming village in the middle of Ferelden, he never even raised an eyebrow from the odd questions she asked. Either Rufus was extremely uninterested, or he thought she’d bring it up when she wanted too.

It was clear that she was out of place, that was without a doubt. 

Her child self would be over the moon to have woken up in the same story that she loved. Adult Nadine, however, had horrible anxiety and missed her cat dearly. 

The smell of soot and iron stopped burning her nose after a while. The cling of the hammer no longer made her wince. Instead the forge turned into a place where she felt safe, as claustrophobic as it was.

“Could I be your apprentice?” Nadine asked over lunch. There was little she could do before she completely lost her mind. From gathering water in the morning, to realizing there wasn’t a single book she could read, simply resting another second would surely cause her to go insane. Rufus raised an eyebrow mid bite. 

“What brought this on?” 

“Well...” She began, “You’re letting me stay here, and I want to be helpful. You don’t have to pay me, letting me stay here is way more than enough. If not then I completely understand.”

_Also, this village is going to be destroyed one day, and I don't want to be weak as a mouse when that day inevitably comes. But there isn’t a polite way of saying that over breakfast._

He shook his head as he wiped his mouth, “No, I could use some help around here. Being the only blacksmith in Lothering is busy work. You feel like you’re healthy enough? No pain left?”

“Nope! I’m the pinnacle of human health, I swear it.” She said with a grin. Finally, she’d have something interesting to do instead of wallowing in self pity. 

He chuckled. “We’ll go over the basics of the forge later today, sound good?”

Nadine hummed, happily finishing the rest of her bland food. 

There hadn't been any news of a blight yet, but it still kept Nadine up at night. It wasn’t like she exactly memorized the codex, she had no time table to even use as reference. Still, all she could do was be prepared. Getting back on her feet was the first step in having even a chance at survival.

“Actually, if you’re up to it--Mind running me an errand?” Nadine’s eyes lit up, and he took that as a ‘yes’. “There's a pouch by the door, I need you to go to the chantry and give it to sister Sophia. You remember her?” 

He must have really believed her when she said she was fine. Best not to let him down. 

“Yeah, I remember her. What, did you make her a gift?” Nadine’s eyes sparkled as she asked, making Rufus almost choke. 

“ _No.”_ He said, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. Nadine Let out a small laugh. “Just a donation to the chantry. Even though I hate that place, they do good for the community. If she didn’t help you, you’d still be in bed.” 

“Aw. No fun.”

He shook his head. “It’ll be good for you to formally introduce yourself, too. Meet some of the townspeople.”

Nadine paused. Suddenly she’d rather stay inside and never see the outside world again. “...What do I say?”

He rubbed his chin. “Well. What do you want to say?”

“....I don’t know.”

“You’re not giving me a lot to work with.” He sighed, but he had a bit of a smile on his lips. “Well, when in doubt--lie. No one is entitled to know every detail of your past. That’s what’s troubling you, right?”

“I-I’m a horrible liar though!”

“Trust me, _I know._ ” He got up from the table and grabbed the pouch. “Best lies have some truth to ‘em. Keep it simple.”

Nadine frowned as he tossed her the pouch, just barely able to catch it after stumbling. “Keep it simple...” She muttered to herself.

“Yep. Now get out there and be useful. When you get back I’m putting you to work.”

Nadine nodded as she went to grab her jacket. Rufus had spare clothing that fit Nadine well enough. The slacks where a bit long, but they were actually made for someone with a more feminine figure. It posed a lot of questions for Nadine, but if he didn’t ask her any questions, then she wouldn’t either. It was only fair, after all. 

Once somewhat put together, she grabbed the coin pouch and left the forge. 

Rufus lived right outside of town, like most of the farms in the area. Only going into town to sell his wares every now and again. Most of the time, people came to him--not the other way around. And when that happened, she was quick to run into the back room. 

Still, the fresh air was nice. The walk was only five or ten minutes, or so she guessed. Plenty of time to think. She kept close to the river instead of the main paths. The sound of the stream bubbling over tree branches and rocks was a comforting one. 

She could already feel her heart beating in her throat as the village came into view. It was like when she first moved into Clearfalls and tried introducing herself to the neighbors, but much, _much,_ worse.

Saying she was really in Thedas when she was alone in a cabin felt less ridiculous then actually interacting with the world.

As she came closer to the village, she caught the eye of a rather strange sight. 

It was a man who must have been around her age. He held himself with confidence, his shaggy brown hair nearly covering his entire face. He looked the part of a traveler, but he held no weapon and wore no armor. He walked in the direction of the forge.

She wondered if he’d be there by the time Nadine was done with her errands. 

At the moment though, she had more important things to think about. She started humming to herself to keep her mind from wandering. _Backstory, backstory, backstory, I need a backstory._

Usually when she was alone, she’d ramble off to Alke. She’d sing obscure songs, do poor impression of celebrities, or just start making cool explosions sounds. 

It felt weird to do that now, however. Even though she felt like doing so would really help her nerves. 

_Backstory, come on...._

Nadine looked the part an apprentice, but even then Rufus wasn’t wrong when he said she looked like she could be from Rivian. No one would think she was from the Anderfels or anything like that. Maybe if her accent was a bit sharper she could pass as someone from Tevinter...but she’d rather pass on that one. 

The piercings would draw a bit more attention to herself, but she couldn’t bare to part with them.

She tried to remember anything she could about Rivain.

When she got closer to town, she noticed a few eyes lingering on her. She stared at her boots as she picked up her pace to the chantry. The town was rather flat, no rolling hills or lush foliage. It almost seemed sun-baked with how yellow and dull the grass was. It was different from her own home with its constant rain and vibrant colors. 

She wondered how the farms must be doing if everything seemed so dry.

Her eyes lingered on the chantry board as she walked through the half stone gates. She needed to learn how to fight, she decided. The thought was rather scary, but it was necessary. But one step at a time, at least she already had a sword.

She walked passed the chantry’s gates and into the building.

The chantry seemed much more daunting then it did in the game, she realized. With its high ceilings and almost eerie sense of calmness. She always felt out of place in the churches back home, but this was different. It felt cold for a place that was meant to be loving.

As she walked in, she managed to find Sister Sophia almost immediately by the small library. She frowned at the sight of so many books that she couldn’t read. She needed to fix that problem too. She brushed off her own spout of sadness and focused on Sophia. 

She asked Nadine how she was feeling and thanked her for the donation. Even though Nadine said it was from Rufus, Sophia didn’t acknowledge it. 

Nadine was seriously wondering what happened to cause their distaste for each other. She said her goodbyes and left the Chantry, her footsteps echoing as she left. She didn’t want to stick around, to be honest. Churches always made her feel uncomfortable. 

That and her own feelings concerning the Chantry. From what she learned in Origins and her own real life experiences... Well, she’d never become a Chantry sister, that’s for sure. 

When she made it to the bridge across the river, she paused. The sound of flowing water, no matter how slow, was nice. It made her stop and breathe, a welcomed reminder to try and stay present in her life--as odd as it was getting. She could see the river than ran though Lothering becoming her life line in the future. 

She passed the cage where Sten was supposed to be kept, only to find it empty. She raised an eyebrow, just how early was she? Did they just have this cage lying around? She guessed it made sense, there being no jail in Lothering. But that just made her sick, no matter the crime--did every criminal get put in there? She honestly had no clue. 

It seemed...brutal. 

“Excuse me, are you alright?” A feminie, soft voice spoke with a heavy accent. Nadine blinked, that voice sounded _awfully_ familiar. When she turned to look at the source of the voice, she had no time to stop the blush rising on her face. 

“Oh, uh--yes, I’m fine. Just, a bit lost in thought.” Nadine quickly replied with her head down. It would be rude to run off in the middle of a conversation, but god she really wanted to. 

“Truly? You seemed troubled by the cage.”

“I uhm.” Nadine took a breath. “I’m not used to seeing them, that’s all. The...ethics of it makes me uncomfortable.”

Leliana gave an understanding nod. “You seem very soft hearted, an uncommon sight.” She said, “With Lothering being so small--the cage is rarely ever used. More often than not, dangerous individuals who need to be restrained are escorted to Denerim and tried there.”

“That’s a...relief.” 

“Are you a traveler, perhaps? I don’t recall having seen you before.”

A moment passed before Nadine realized she was staring. She quickly coughed into her hand, she was always so awkward around women. It didn’t help that she always romanced her every time she played origins. “I’m actually Rufu’s apprentice, you can call me Nadine. I arrived two weeks ago.”

Leliana smiled, or was it a smirk? God, Nadine felt like she could catch on fire. “Oh? That’s a relief, Rufus is always so busy. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Leliana, one of the lay sisters of the Chantry. I hope you find Lothering to treat you well. I take it you traveled far, no?”

“To put it simply,” Nadine cursed at herself the moment the words fell from her mouth. Just dig that hole deeper, why don’t you? “I-uh, I mean yeah.”

“Are you from Rivain? That is rather far from Ferelden.”

“I left Rivain when I was young, I spent most of my youth in Starkhaven, actually.” She said, hoping that would be believable. “One fight with my mother and poof! I was shipped to Ferelden to fend for myself.”

“Truly? Well, that _would_ explain your accent.” She said with a giggle. _Oh god she giggled._ “You should visit the tavern. Many would love to hear new stories, you must have quite a few from your travels.”

“Ah, I’ll see? I don’t know if Rufus is going to work me to the bone or not.” She spoke with her eyes looking everywhere but at Leliana “--But thank you! I mean, I don’t know anyone in town. It would be nice to get to know a few people!” 

Leliana looked amused, “Well, I’ll see you around then, Nadine.” She said, “May the Maker watch over you."

“Y-Yeah!” Nadine replied, already taking a step back. 

Nadine couldn’t have made it back to the forge any faster if she tried. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was leliana nadine's gay awakening? yes. the answer is yes.


	4. In Ones Own Time

**And the weeks turned into months.**

It turned out that Rufus really did intend to work Nadine to the bone. It had been two months since she went into town as skittish as a newborn deer. Since then she’d been holed up in the forge, learning all the tools of the trade from her patient mentor. It was rather fun, to be honest. 

Her arms were sore most days, but she was thankful for the experience she was getting. She stopped caring that she tended to smell like soot more often than not, no matter how much she tried to scrub it off. 

The crackle of the fire started to sound safe and familiar. She starting seeing Rufus laugh a lot more too. Life was... nice. As long as she didn’t think about the world outside of the forge, she was happy.

She never dared to bring up going to the tavern. She knew she was a coward, and she knew that she _needed_ to get out and not just hide. She was just...scared. More than ever. 

There was one traveler that had been showing up around the forge more and more after Rufus repaired his armor. His name was Bolder, said he was from Tantervale. He joked about one day taking Nadine with him, needing a blacksmith back home. She’d laugh, but she didn’t think he knew how much hearing that really bothered her.

If the blight never came, maybe she could open up. One day become a real blacksmith, even. But she knew better. The blight _was_ going to come, and it was only a matter of time.

She glanced at Rufus as he worked. How could she be so sure that he’ll survive? Could she even convince him to evacuate when the time came?

And the Hawkes....

She knew they lived in that farm across the way. She had even passed Carver every now again as she went into town on errands for Rufus. They were going to lose everything, like everyone else.

Her knuckles turned white under her heavy gloves as she gripped her hammer tighter at the thought. 

She needed to learn how to fight. Her fear of messing something up wasn’t worth the risk of becoming a silent accomplice to someone's death. If she could help others evacuate, maybe they’ll live. If the Hawke’s get out of Lothering just a _little_ faster, they’d have more time before the ogre came. Both of the twins would at least have a chance at making it out alive. 

Nadine thought back to how many children and elderly were in the village. How could _they_ make it out?

“Nadine, did you make this?” Rufus gruff voice snapped her out of her planning. She turned around to see what he was looking at on the anvil. 

It was a small dagger. While Rufus was out delivering some nails a villager ordered in the morning, she wanted to try her hand at it. It was with leftover materials, and it was nothing fancy. Really, it was just something to occupy her mind. Since she couldn’t clean, she needed _something_ to do. Trying to learn how to read wasn’t that much fun, in comparison. 

“Uh, yeah. Where you planning on saving the materials?”

He shook his head and examined the dagger. “It’s not bad. What made you make it?”

“W-Well, I don’t know. I just... wanted one?” She said, “I forgot I left it there. Sorry.”

“Do you know how to use it?” 

She blinked. 

“I’m not upset at you. You should have something to defend yourself. This is small enough to hide, and nothing too fancy that would warrant someone stealing it. "

“Oh. And um, I think so? I aim with the pointy end, right?”

“You’re not wrong.” He laughed, “To be honest, I thought you would have asked me to teach you how to wield that sword I found you with. It’s been collecting dust, you know. Damn shame.

Nadine turned a shade of pink. It was rather clear that she had never fought a day in her life. “I mean, I’ve been imposing on you already. I didn’t want to...” She trailed off, not knowing what to say. 

“If I didn’t want you here, I would have kicked you out.” He said. “I won't push it, for now at least. Let’s focus on getting some work done. Just got another order in."

Nadine mumbled a 'got it'. 

Then the hours began to pass. Back home, Nadine didn’t think she was that skilled at anything. Sure, she could clean like the world was going to end and she was alright with languages, but she never saw it as something braggable.

She never liked the idea of failure, so she rarely tried new things. But she had no option in Thedas _but_ to try new things. Sure, she beat herself up when she first starting learning from Rufus, but eventually she just... learned to deal. She was still a perfectionist, but Rufus always just gave her a _look_ when she needed to stop. 

Nadin ran a hand through her hair as she yawned. The shovel was almost done, and she got the jist of what Rufus did. The sun was just starting to set, proof of how much time Nadine lost track of.

Just as Rufus was about to say something, there was a knock at the door. He mumbled something about ‘store hours’ as he went to open it. 

In the doorway stood a woman with grey hair and blue eyes. She wore typical light brown clothing like most people in Lothering. 

“Leandra, haven’t seen you for a while” Rufus said. Nadine sunk back further into the shop as she heard the name. God damn them for being the only blacksmith in Lothering. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m afraid my son lost the key to his armor chest. Do you think you could pick it?”

Rufus nodded and looked over his shoulder. “Nadine!” He yelled. Nadine inwardly groaned. Of course, just her luck. She walked up right next to Rufus, trying to avoid looking like a scared kid.

“Yes?” She tried to hide her disappointment in her voice.

“Leandra, this is Nadine, my apprentice. She can pick any lock you give her.” He said, almost sounding proud. Right, that was one party trick she did end up learning back in her world. She had to pick Edith’s lock all the time because of the old woman constantly misplacing her keys. 

_Edith..._

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Leandra spoke with a polite smile. 

“Y-yeah, um--” Nadine fumbled over her words, unable to even meet Leandra’s eyes. “I can pick locks. Let me grab my bag and I’ll be right out.” 

Nadine quickly went into the back room and grabbed her bag. She slung it over her shoulder and met Leandra right outside of the shop. Her and Rufus were still making small talk.

She gave him a quick hug goodbye and followed Leandra into town. It still felt a bit surreal talking to someone who was just supposed to be a bunch of pixels. Inwardly, looking at her made Nadine feel guilty. 

“I heard rumors that you where from the Free Marches, I’m from Kirkwall myself.”

“O-Oh? I’m from Starkhaven. What made you move to Ferelden? It’s pretty....different. A lot more dirt.”

Leandra gave a soft laugh. “I met my husband, he’s why I left.” She said. “He died years ago, but my children are more than enough."

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Nadine suddenly felt very awkward, not wanting to dig the conversation and deeper in the ‘completely depressing’ ditch, she didn’t say anything more.

Soon they came up to their farm house. It wasn’t anything fancy by any means, but it was a lot of land. It wasn’t exactly in Lothering, like many of the farms it was just outside the village, just like the forge was. 

“--Mother! Carver was--” Bethany was saying something to her mother the moment the door opened, but quickly stopped when she noticed Nadine walking in behind Leandra. “Oh! It’s you!” 

“....It’s me?"

“Carver said he thought he saw a girl from Rivian at the market. I thought he was just messing with me.”

“That’s me, ‘Riviani at the market.” She mumbled, _what am I even supposed to say to that?_

“Oh, but you have a marchers accent.” She squinted her eyes. 

Leandra sighed. “ _Bethany_.”

“Um. You said I needed to pick a lock?” Nadine interjected.

“Of course, follow me.” Leandra said. Nadine did as such, following her through the house until they reached a room. When she opened the door, there was someone sitting right in front of a chest on the floor, mumbling curses under his breath while he attempted to pick it.

“Garrett, you can stop trying. Rufus apprentice is more than capable to unlock your armor chest.” She said with a sigh. “Honestly, how did you even lose your key?”

Was this Hawke a rouge? ....A rouge who couldn’t pick a lock? Maybe he was a warrior or something, maybe even a mage! Nadine couldn’t tell just by looking at the back of his head, but apart of her did wish he was a rouge, just out of her own bias. 

“It took some effort,” He said with a sarcastic bite. He got up from the floor and quickly turned around. “That key was down right clingy, you know.”

Somehow it was even more surreal to Hawke standing in front of her than Leliana. Maybe it was because he was supposed to be a main character, or maybe it was the guilt Nadine felt--knowing what his future years had in store for him. 

His appearance though, that a welcome distraction his Nadine’s mind. He only had a little stubble across his jaw, not yet a full beard. But his honey colored eyes and dark hair drew most of Nadine’s attention. He was... pretty.

Nadine quickly batted that thought away. Nope. She didn’t _not_ want to get involved with a protagonist. Her goal was to learn to fight to help people evacuate during the blight, that was all.

....but it was still kind of cool seeing him.

“You’re Rufus’s apprentice?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. He looked at Nadine up and down, clearly not expecting someone like her. Sure, she was a bit on the lanky side--but she was getting stronger! 

Nadine nodded, already opening her bag to grab her lock pick in an effort to avoid any eye contact or conversation. Leandra took this as her cue to spark a conversation, however. “Nadine, you’re around Garretts age, aren’t you?”

“Uh, I turn twenty one in a couple of months.” She mumbled. She found her lock pick and mentally sighed in relief. Now that she thought about it, when was her birthday? She made a note to think about it later. She walked past Garrett and crouched down in front of the chest and began to work.

“Oh! Garrett just turned twenty four two months ago!” Leandra spoke with surprise, “There aren’t that many people in the village around you two’s age, you know.”

“I-uh, haven’t noticed.” Nadine said, but then furrowed her eyebrows. Wasn’t Hawke around twenty five when Dragon Age II started? That was actually useful information. She had roughly a year, then. “Learning the tools of the, uh, trade--takes a lot of focus.” 

“As does lock picking?” Garrett asked, thankfully trying to turn the conversation away from his mother's intent. “That lock is impossible to pick, I wouldn’t blame you if--”

Mid sentence, the lock popped open.

“...I must have loosened it up for you.”

“Thats--That’s not how locks work.” Nadine hesitantly said, but then shook her head and stood back up. “I brought along a backup lock and key, in case you can’t find the key later. Just don't tell Rufus.” She said while she searched her bag. “It’s more convenient than making a new key. ”

She handed Leandra the lock and key, avoiding any eye contact still. She was just.. very interested in her boots, that was all.

“You’re a very work focused girl, aren’t you? Rufus is lucky to have found you.” Leandra spoke with a polite smile. She turned to Garrett, “Show Nadine to the door, will you?”

“Of course. Wouldn’t want her to get _lost_ in such a _labyrinth_ of a house.” He said.

“ _Garrett.”_

“It’s alright, I can--”

“He’s just trying to be funny.” Leandra interrupted, “Garrett, will you--”

“Yes, yes. Of course mother, and I wasn’t _trying_ to be funny.” 

Nadine started scratching the back of her hand, wondering if she could just casually leave undetected, and not have to have another round of awkward small talk. Hawke definitely seemed a bit less mature than in Dragon age two, but that was slightly understandable.

Garrett did end up leading her to the door. Nadine heard Bethany and Carver talk through the thin walls, but not enough to make out any words. The Hawke residence all in all was very...homey. It smelled like dirt, but all farm homes kind of did. 

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Hawke mused out loud. It didn’t really sound like a question. “Is that a requirement for blacksmiths? I never met one who didn’t roll their eyes and gruff.”

Nadine had to force herself _not_ to eyeroll out of instinct. She fiddled with her hands before answering. “You’d rather your blacksmith be focused on keeping your armor and weapons well maintained instead of keeping a witty conversation."

“Hm. That’s a good point.” He said, “I can only imagine the _pain_ of talking to another living being.”

Nadine snorted. Even though Hawke was rather intimidating, he had a charismatic charm to him. All heros did, she guessed. She still couldn’t look at him, but hey, she took what she could get. Any smile that might have been creeping its way on her face disappeared, however. The looming threat of the blight was butting its way in her mind once again. ‘ _One year’._

Nadine didn’t waste any time opening the front door and she was sure it was noticed, but she honestly didn’t care. 

“I’ll try my best not to lose the key this time.” Hawke said. “Thank you for your help.”

“I’ve heard keys are rather clingy, so I’m sure you’ll be, uh, fine.” She said, “If you do, a replacement is roughly twenty silver--so, uh--yeah.”

She quickly bowed her head before he could say anything else, turned on her heel, and made her way to town. Yeah, she needed to go to the tavern.

Her boots thumped against the dirt path as she clenched her fists by her side. Anxiety was bumbling back in her chest and no humming to herself could fix it. She just meet to the Hawkes. She walked into their home, talked to them, and acted as if she belonged in Thedas. They had no clue. 

They had no clue of the blight, either.

_One year._


	5. Feast Today, Famine Tomorrow

**The open field by the windmill** was always calm. Nadine could hear the chatter from the village, but it wasn’t close enough to cause any distraction. She hummed as she scribbled another note down, her eyes tinted red while she stared down another paragraph of text. In quick chicken scratch, one of her notes read ‘The Legion of Steel’, and next to it a tiny doodle of a dwarf, most likely the protagonist of said story.

The book had seen better days, as it was old and forgotten. Nearly every page had a tear or stain. She was surprised that Rufus even had the thing stored away in the forge, and from his response to her request of borrowing it--he was too.

She rubbed her eyes and looked up at the circling windmill, letting out a tired sigh. It was a rare day off for her. She couldn’t recall a time where life back home made her so busy--even while she was in college. From dusk to dawn, she was working. 

If not learning how to fight with Rufus before the sun was up, she was in the forge covered in ash with work-worn hands sore and aching. Any free time that came her way was spent with her nose in a book, struggling to make sense of it. 

It was worth it, she told herself. 

She looked back at the wrinkled up notes and felt a frown form on her face. It only grew worse when she picked it up and tried to read over it. 

Even her _first_ language was starting to look foreign to her at this point. She chewed on her cheek as she felt heat begin rush to her face. She could be learning common so much faster if she was just...better. She blinked hard to force away any threatening tears. 

She tried not to roll her eyes at herself, she was acting like a toddler when there were things to be done. 

She shoved her book and mess of notes into her leather bag without any hint of organization. Nope, she refused to get upset over anything that day. She abruptly stood up and dusted off her trousers as she came up with a plan to spend her day. 

Nadine pulled her messy, tangled hair into a ponytail as she began to walk into town. What she needed was a new book. Something interesting, not that the Dwarven people were boring, she was just...burnt out on re-reading the first two chapters over and _over_ again _._

Mornings in Lothering where different from home. The mist that rose from the ground reminded her of dragon's breath as it danced around her boots. The fennecs and nugs ran in the fields, and the slow moving cattle barely even noticed them. It was so quiet, but so loud at the same time. 

It made her wonder what the games left out about Thedas every time she was hit with homesickness. The details that the games and stories couldn't pin down. How many more stories and songs existed? How many legends and wise tails did people come up with that she had no idea about? 

It wasn’t like she could just google it, and god--did she wish she could. If she wanted to know something here, she had to _search_ for it. It was a little fun, if not absolutely frustrating at times. Living in Lothering did make it easier, in that regard. A new merchant was always venturing into their little farming village. There was never a shortage of someone coming in with a trinket from Antiva, or a story from Rivain. It made leaving the Forge an opportunity instead of a nightmare, after a while.

“Aye there Nadine, taking the day off?” A man with a heavy accent and sharp jaw grinned at Nadine as he leaned on the wooden fence into town. 

Nadine smiled. “Yep. Have you seen any merchants come in with any new books?”

He looked up in thought, squinting his eyes. “Hm, let me think...” A moment passed and his eyes widened as he put his hand up. “Right, there was this _one_ guy, sounded Orlesian. Had a pile of them in his cart, a bunch of covers I’ve never seen before.”

“That sounds perfect, thank you!”

“It wasn’t a problem. You know me, always on the lookout.” He pushed himself away from the fence as he spoke.

“Are you free later? I rarely get full days off, we should... get a drink or something.” 

“Are you coming onto me, blacksmith? Can’t say I’m surprised.”

Nadine, all to familiar with his teasing, rolled her eyes and smiled. Bolder strode into town nearly two weeks ago with his armor and daggers in shambles. With the time he spent watching Nadine and Rufus work away at repairing his belongings, Nadine reluctantly got to know him. Nadine would admit, it was nice having something close to an actual friend that wasn’t Rufus.

She didn’t have it in her to talk to the Hawkes, the idea of embarrassing herself in front of them felt more scary that saying something dumb in front of Bolder. Leliana was out of the question as well. Maybe Nadine was just paranoid, but getting to know a bard--no matter how pretty or nice--felt like a bad idea.

“Alright, alright. I get it.” He said with a laugh, “I’ll head over to the tavern now, meet me there once you find whatever book you're looking for.”

She gave a mock salute and walked to find the merchant with a bit of a skip in her step, hearing Bolder say ‘see you later’ from behind her as she left.

She navigated Lothering with experience. She squinted as she looked around, the sun all too intent on being known today. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the glimmer of a golden mask by main stone road into town. She picked up her pace as she walked past templars and drunken commoners, still making her feel a bit uneasy despite the dagger hidden in her shoe.

The heavy smell of floral perfumes hit her like a train as she walked up to him, but he still smelled like shit. At least that reminded her of home. She cringed at the memory of her older brother dosing himself in axe body spray instead of just _showering._

 _“_ Hello _”_ She quickly started. The Merchant had short arms and a wide torso, an odd physique that his clothing only accentuated. He wore the typical weird ‘fancy’ fashion of an Orleasian. It was strange that someone like him was in town, but it was odd for someone like Nadine to be there too. “I heard you had quite the array of books.”

“Ah, of course of course!” He replied quickly with a heavy accent. “Please, take a look!” 

Even though the common agreement was that all Orlesians were prim and proper, the book ‘selection’ really was just a pile of books, unorganized, on the back of his wagon. Part of her mind screamed, ‘stolen goods’, but....

Her eyes wandered to a thick book with the image of a sword with bright purple sparks of light circling behind it. On the bottom of the cover were two words in small print written in common. The first word couldn’t read, but the second word she could clearly recognize was ‘warrior’. 

It was far too heavy to be a work of fiction as she picked it up in her hands, as was the cover too detailed and finally made. Books with that much detail tended to be non-fiction or... specialization manuals. She found one before, at another merchant, of course. But it was a manual for rangers, something she had no skill in. 

Her fingers traced over the cover and she made a decision. With her lips set in a firm line and a brief idea of how much gold she had from tips, she looked at the merchant. “How much for this?”

The Merchant perked up to her selection. He strode over to her, “Ah, fine choice! That particular manual is twenty sovereigns.”

 _Twenty?_ She knew manuals were expensive but--

“Ten.”

“Eighteen.”

“Fifteen” She spat.

“Now now, you must no that a manual such as this is highly valuable, forbid a barbaric chantry lunatic found it. I went through such struggles to get a hold of it.”

She narrowed her eyes, what exactly was that first word on the book? She knew better than to ask, if it truly was that valuable--he wouldn’t sell it to someone who could barely even read, but that just made her want it more. She could definitely use a bit of excitement to deviate from her routine.

“ _Fourteen sovereigns, final deal. Just as hard it was for you to get this book, its will be just as hard to find someone willing to buy it while you’re in Ferelden. Or perhaps I shall grab a templar? Those ‘chantry lunatic’s’ would_ **_surely_ ** _be interested in your little traveling library.”_

From under his mask he raised his eyebrows. Nadine was suddenly grateful for all the time she lived in Quebec when she was with her mom. The man adjusted his jacket as he thought about her words. _“Fine. Fourteen sovereigns”_

The moment the gold was swapped for the book, she shoved it in her bag, hearing her notes get crumpled up even more in the process. She snapped her bag closed and went to turn on her heel, but the man stopped her. He spoke in a lower voice, away from any possible listening ears.

“ _Do be careful with that book. Not many are willing to see past first impressions. I believe we would both hate to see such a book wind up burned by an uneducated fool, no?”_

She paused in her step. What the heck did she just buy? It better have not been a blood magic manual, because that would have been just her luck. It did say ‘warrior’ though, Nadine was certain of that. She gave a brief nodded and went on her way.

She quickly glanced around, wondering if anyone was paying attention to that somewhat shady deal that just went down. She guessed her knowing a bit of Orlesian wouldn’t be too surprising, being from Rivain would lead most to know a bit of every, right? From what she could remember, they did have a lot of ports there. 

However, if people didn’t speak Punjabi in Rivain she would be screwed. Even if they _did_ , there were so many different dialects--the chances of them speaking Puadhi were not in her favor. Someone would notice something was wrong right away. 

She chewed on her lip. She was thinking about a nation thousands of miles away would think of her, instead of wondering what people in _town_ thought about her. Her brain was quickly taking her down a path that she didn’t have time to humor. 

She shook her head and made her way to the tavern while keeping her bag close. She’d worry about it later. One thought at a time. 

She could already hear drunken singing from the tavern, making her smile as she picked up her pace. _Just focus on the now, Nadine._

When she opened the door, she found that the tavern was surprisingly crowded. Then again, that wasn’t saying much. The tavern was pretty small and the only place for _miles_ to get a drink. Bolder was quick to wave her over, standing upstairs leaning on the ledge. On a small side table next to him were two large mugs, filled to the brim with ale.

“Oy, blacksmith! Up here!” He called, gaining the attention of a few others. She muttered apologies and walked up the creaky wooden stairs. Nadine wasted no time grabbing her mug of ale and taking a gulp. 

“Soooo, you find anything interesting?” He asked. 

She wiped her mouth off with her sleeve before answering. “A specialization manual. That’s all I’m saying. For now.”

“Keeping some mystery? _Interesting_.” He replied with a playful tone. “So, if you’re looking at a specialization already, I take it your training with Rufus has been going well.”

Nadine narrowed her eyes at him and took a half step back, holding her drink close to her. “How’d you know that?”

He shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal or vaguely threatening, “I said it before, I just keep my eyes and ears open. Why? Was that supposed to be ~shrouded~ in mystery?”

“I mean, It’s just weird that you know that. We only practice _really_ early in the morning behind the forge”

He sipped his drink. “You learn to pay attention to things like that the more you travel. See, you got bruises on your arm that scream ‘I don't know what I'm doing with a sword but I'm trying’. Plus, what kind of blacksmith can’t wield what they make?”

“...Right.” She slowly nodded. His reasoning made sense. It wasn’t like she was _trying_ to keep her training a secret anyways. “What have you been up to then? Aside from ‘ _keeping your eyes and ears open.’”_

“Oh you know, this and that.” 

_“Come on.”_

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“We’re the same age, you know!”

He raised his eyebrows and looked at her up and down. “No shit? You’re twenty?”

“Twenty _one._ Well, almost.” She quickly corrected herself, “I kinda forget my exact name day. Sometime around Pluitanis.”

“Huh. I guess that’s not too hard to accept.” He took a sip of his drink and tilted his head. “Well. I was doing things. You know. _Things.”_ He whispered the last word with a bit of flair, as if that would change the fact that he didn’t explain anything.

Nadine rolled her eyes and turned her attention to who was in the tavern.

It was the usual crowd, some farmers, merchants, one or two templars _(That made Nadine’s blood run cold for a moment, that was for sure)_ , and that one odd carpenter that lived nearby. Rufus told her to stay away from that one.

Her mind switch to thinking about the Qunari instead. She wondered how tall Sten really was. If he wasn’t terrifying, she’d climb that man like a tree. If she didn’t have a panic attack first. Also if she didn’t find the Qun and everything it did absolutely horrifying. 

She hummed as she leaned on the railing like Bolder was. Maybe if she survived the blight and got out of Lothering, she could settle down with someone nice, own a farm and--

Nadine frowned into her drink. The key word was ‘if’. _If_ she made it out of Lothering. Even then, she had no survival skills. 

Bolder then nudged her, gaining her attention. She never felt so grateful for a distraction before. “Ever thought about getting another sparring partner?” He asked, surprisingly out of the blue.

“...Are you volunteering?”

He shook his head, “That’s a hard ‘ _no’_. My approach to combat isn’t something you’d like. You need a real fighter to teach you. Rufus is good, but he’s old. Not as good as he probably was in his youth.”

“Why the interest?” Nadine asked. 

“Hm? I’m not stupid, you’re clearly preparing for _something._ Don’t worry, I won't ask the details.” He glanced over the patrons at the tavern while humming. Once his eyes fell on one man by the bar, he nodded to himself, like he just picked out a new scarf at the market. “That one looks good. C’mon now.” 

He finished his drink and grabbed her arm. Not nearly rough enough to cause any pain, it was more like a suggestion if anything. Nadine let Bolder drag her back downstairs to whoever ended up as his victim of the day. 

As if time slowed down, a look of horror dawned on Nadine’s face. She knew _exactly_ where Bolder was leading her, but the words just couldn’t get out of her mouth. Instead she looked at Bolder silently hoping to find out he was joking or something.

“Hello there!” He started, his voice loud and overly friendly. His grip on Nadine grew a bit stronger as he realized that she was trying to make an escape. “You look like a man who knows his way around a sword! No euphemism intended, hah.”

 _Carver_ scrunched his face up. Oh god, this wasn’t happening. 

“ _Bolder, really this isn’t--”_

“You see, my friend here is learning how to fight herself, real quick learner. I’m sure you’ve seen her around!” He said, pulling Nadine closer. “She’s actually looking for a new sparring partner.”

“ _I’m really not--”_

“She could give you a discount at the forge, even.”

“ _I’d have to ask Rufus first and--”_

“Oh wait, how about we all introduce ourselves first. I’m Bolder, and this is...” He looked at Nadine expectantly. 

She slumped her shoulders and gave a sigh of defeat. Bolder wasn’t letting her out of this, was he? “...Nadine Grimshaw. Is it too late to say I’m sorry? For everything that comes out of his mouth?”

“...I’m Carver Hawke. I’ve seen you around before.”

“Right. I’m ‘The Riviani at the Market.” She muttered mostly to herself. It was rather funny, but also not really the more she thought about it. 

Carver quickly coughed into his drink, “Did my sister tell you I said that?”

“Great, great, we all know each other. Now! About becoming sparring partners, I think it’s a great plan that will benefit both of you.”

“I have to decline your...offer.”

“Yes, right--His family has a farm, I’m _sure_ he’s way too busy--”

“Is that so? A shame! Well, I saw another guy that looked like him, a lot stronger looking, that’s for sure. He looked like a daggers kind of guy, but I have no doubt that that you can learn a thing or two from him, now let’s go--”

Oh god, was he talking about Garrett? This way all happening _way_ to fast. Nope. No way, she was going to put her foot down and--

“Wait,” Carver got up from his stool as Bolder was already turning to leave. “I know who you’re talking about, and he’s not nearly as good as I am in a fight.” He spoke with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

“So, you’ll spar with her then?” 

It looked like agreeing almost physically pained Carver, but he looked at Bolder and any snide remark he had, he didn’t say. “I’ll agree to your deal. I won’t go easy on her though, and this stays between us.”

Nadine forced herself not to roll her eyes. “ _I_ think that you won’t need to. Rufus will have to know, but we can practice behind the forge.”

Bolder grinned and threw his arm around Nadine. “Look at this blossoming friendship, I could even shed a tear. Tomorrow at dawn then?” 

Carver nodded, and with that Bolder led Nadine back to their little spot up stairs. As they fell back into the crowd and away from Carver, she removed herself from Bolder’s arm immediately. 

“I can’t believe you did that. _Why_ did you do that?” She hissed at him. Her legs still felt like jelly from the pure anxiety she felt. Suddenly all she wanted to do was go back to the forge and organize all her notes in her bag. Maybe color coat them--did Thedas have different color ink?

“Oh. I’m poisoned. My impulsive control is completely gone.”

“ _What?!”_

“I’m _super_ hallucinating right now.” 

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah, can you take me to a healer?” He spoke like getting poisoned was common occurrence for him. “I think I’m going to pass out.”

Nadine groaned and covered her face with her hands, already carrying half his weight on her shoulder.

_“How did my life get to this?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you think Bolder is a weird first name, I wouldn't blame you lmao  
> But at least in my family, its pretty common to name a kid after someones maiden name. 
> 
> also i was with my friends while i was writing, and a joke was made and Bolder was suddenly a Perfect Name.


	6. Cold light of day

**Thump**

Nadine’s back hit the ground for what had to be the hundredth time that morning. She screwed her eyes shut and tried to remember why she wanted to learn how to fight in the first place. Certainly it wasn’t this hard when she practiced with Rufus, was it?

Autumn wind stripped nearby trees of their leaves as the caw of a crow rang in her ears. In the corner of her eye was her wooden sword, just out of her grasp. A part of her wanted to leave it on the ground, maybe let nature eventually over take it. 

“You left side was open, again.” 

Giving up wasn’t really an option, was it? Nadine pushed herself up by her elbows, trying to see if Carver was even out of breath. The sun flickered behind his form, refusing to give her an answer. Carver fought with familiarity and comfort, something Nadine clearly lacked.

She fought back a wince as she stood up. “One more try,” She said. Dew from the grass clung to her, sending a shiver up her spine. Across the yard sat Bethany on the stone fence. A yawn wide on her face as she leaned back, wondering how much longer this was going to take. 

In the blink of an eye, Nadine lifted her shield as the dull sound of wood on wood sang out in the empty field. Before another thought could pass her mind, she was forced to duck and roll to the side, narrowly avoiding another strike from Carver.

She parried to the side of him, already lifting her shield to catch his sword in the nick of time once again. She gritted her teeth as she held her ground, feeling her muscles begin to falter. She pushed more into her feet, barely able to keep herself from being pushed back. In a questionable decision, she backed off, dodging once again to get behind Carver. Her breath was ragged as she lifted her shield again and swallowed hard. Before he could turn, she pushed all of her weight forward behind her shield and charged. 

Carver, half way through trying to counter her, toppled to the ground with his sword falling right next to him. 

Nadine, almost ready to fall down from pure exhaustion, dropped her shield and put her hands on her knees. She smiled wildly as she struggled to find her breath. “Still going easy on me?” She asked. 

Carver let out an annoyed huff as he sat up from the ground, wiping mud off his face. 

“What was it again? Seven to Carver and... one to Nadine?” Bethany said as she jumped down from the fence and offered Carver a hand, which he ungracefully took. 

“It was a well earned ‘one’, thank you very much.” Nadine was all too quick to add. 

“That it was,” Carver said, though it sounded like it pained him to say that. “You’ve been improving, even if that was a dirty trick.”

“A shield charge is not a trick, you just didn’t expect it.” She then wiped away the mud from the palms of her hands and gave him a smile. “I won fair and square.”

Winter was growing closer as the air began to develop a bite. Lothering was much grayer than before, the skies empty and dull. Even the traveling merchants have been few and in between.

Before the season began to change, it was hard for Carver to get away from the farm without someone taking notice. With the recent harvest coming to an end, he's been at the forge more and more. Only Bethany caught on to her brothers recent disappearing acts. Since then, she decided to keep their little secret and joined to watch their sparring sessions.

“What made you want to learn how to fight, anyways?” Bethany asked. Nadine blanked for a moment as she picked up her shield. 

“A couple of reasons, I guess.” She said, but her voice wavered. She shrugged and put her sword in its sheath, trying too hard to be casual. “The main one is, well, what kind of blacksmith can’t wield their own creations?”

The corners of Bethany’s lips twitched into a frown, sensing the half hearted answers. The words didn’t sound like hers. 

“...And, well, you’ve heard the rumors.” Nadine spoke with hesitancy in her voice, not daring to meet anyone's eyes. She felt guilty at just saying the word ‘rumor’ when she knew it wasn’t one. Nadine suddenly felt as if the air grew colder in the matter of seconds. 

“Do you think it’ll get here?” Bethany asked, “If it is a true blight?”

A moment passed again until Carver shook his head. “I’ll go fight with the kings army if it’s true. No doubt they’d get the Grey Wardens involved.”

“Hopefully there's enough.” Nadine added. Her mind went to the image of the Warden. She would have thought that she was in a default world state, with a dalish warden, but she truly had no idea. 

What kind of person would the Warden be? What choices would they make? Apart of Nadaine told her that she should help, but what good could she actually do? She still could barely stand a chance against Carver--she’d be dust the moment a darkspawn even looked at her. 

All she could do would be helping evacuate Lothering, realistically speaking. She doubted that she herself would make it out. Maybe it would be like when you die in a dream--startling you awake with the relief of knowing that the danger was gone. She'd open her eyes back home, with her cat meowing for dinner just as always. 

Or would that be too convenient? 

“...We should get back home.” Bethany said. The tension in the air was heavy. Nadine was so stuck in her head she didn’t notice how long the silence lingered. 

“Maker forbid that mother starts wondering where we are in the morning.” Carver spoke with a bit of a bite in his voice. “She’d send brother out to chaperone us.”

That earned a bit of a laugh from Nadine. “Well, you two better hurry then.” She tucked some of her hair behind her ear, “Before our exclusive fight club gets found out.”

“Next time we should bring snacks. What kind of club doesn’t have snacks?” Bethany said. She was aware that they were all trying to lighten the dark mood that fell upon the conversation, and it kind of did make Nadine feel a bit better. 

At least she wasn’t alone in her fear. It was slightly different, but the feeling was the same. Dread. 

The two said their goodbyes and left Nadine outside the forge, as she usually found herself when she wasn’t working. 

The chimney from the forge had dark black smoke escape into the grey sky. She looked up at the clouds, wondering when the orange mask that covered Lothering disappeared. When she arrived in Thedas, the dirt was dry and the grass was yellow. Now it was all so dreary and tired. 

She sighed and glanced back at the forge. She still had a bit of time before Rufus would start wondering where she went. She pursed her lips as she looked at her real sword, leaned against the firewood. Carver and Bethany where far from sight. 

She picked it up, replacing the wooden practice sword in her sheath. When she held the sword in her hand, she closed her eyes and felt the earth firmly under her boots. Time to put all her studying to work. 

She listened to the world around her until the chirping robin by the forest was nothing but white noise, till the sound of the stream was nothing but a faint echo, and the whistle of the wind was merely a memory. She listened until something wanted to listen back.

Like a hand reaching out from a pond without an end, she felt something grow closer to her. Her eyebrows twitched as she focused. Her mind went to a murky pond, covered in mist and shadows. She could feel the presence of a hand, searching--calling. It was cold. There was no sound in the pond, no plants or animals that dared to venture close. 

_‘A different setting, but I can work with this.’_ She thought.

She licked her dry lips, feeling herself loom closer to the still water. She felt the wind race across her skin like a guide. 

_“----”_

She furrowed her eyebrows. The pond was blurring, the wind growing hot as it pushed her away. 

_“----ind.”_

Something was wrong, something was--

_**“--Nadine!”** _

The world focused itself back into her view. The sound of a robin chirping, the feeling of the real wind on her skin, and Jesus--since when was the stream so loud? Her throat felt raw, and it was then did she realize that she was out of breath. She blinked with a confused look etched across her face, it was like she just came up for air. 

Rufus was at her side, his eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed as he gripped her arms. “Maker’s breath, Nadine, what--” He looked over Nadine’s face, and any words that where about to fall from his mouth stopped dead in his throat. 

“--I’m...fine. I was just thinking to hard.” Her eyes couldn't meet his, knowing that her words were nowhere near the truth. As if the tremble in her voice didn't already give her away. The frown on his face only grew deeper. 

“Where you...remembering something?” He replied with a pause, what else could have caused her to look like she'd seen a ghost? Was she too close to the forest, a flashback of sorts? Nadine held no problem keeping him in the dark when it came to her past. When he received no answer, he took a breath and asked something else. “Do you need anything?”

Nadine looked at her hands. She didn’t feel cold, but blue nipped at her fingertips. A string of curses ran through her mind, how could she be so careless? She'd done that exercise before, a later practice mentioned in the manual, but it never turned out like this before. Did she mistranslated one of the words? Miss something important? It read like a simple meditation, but what was supposed to be a moment of focus turned into what felt like diving off the side of a mountain. It turned bad so fast, she didn’t even realize what was happening. 

“I’m...fine.” She tore herself away from his grip, pretending not to see all the questions in his eyes. “...You said we had some orders piling up?”

She grabbed her bag off of the pile of firewood and raced back inside the forge before she could hear an answer, leaving her sword in the mud without a second thought. 

Winter couldn’t come any sooner. 


	7. Rooster feathers and Wolf's Fur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a simple search for a lost rooster leads to a serious case of bad luck.  
> (Updated tags, please check before reading. TL;DR in chapter notes.)

**A rooster escaped** late last night.

It’s crow was loud enough to shake the frost from the barren tree's around the village. No matter where you where in town, it sounded as if it was right behind you. Leave it to Thedas to make even a simple rooster sound cursed. A small break between deliveries left Nadine with enough time for a small adventure, leading her to venture into the same forest that Rufus claimed to have found her.

No memories of how she arrived in Thedas had come to her in the past few months, leaving her with no fear as she walked under the towering shadows of the forest. With her sword resting safely in it’s sheath on her hip, she hoped to find the missing rooster with enough time to spare a quick trip to the tavern.

Ice clawed at the edges of her cloak as the wind tried to push her hood back. She pursed her lips as she snapped her hood up, securing it in place. Druffalo hide and fur didn’t little to shield her from the cold, even with the hidden heating rune in her pocket trying to help. She twirled it between her fingers, only feeling slightly bitter over the parting gift Bolder gave her.

Bolder’s time in Lothering was inconsistent, leaving for a few days only to return for a single night. Always with more problems, more scars, and more gold. This last time he seemed rather set on not returning. It wasn’t just him, as Carver as well had said his goodbyes two days ago. He promised to write, but that only left Nadine with more anxiety. She doubted she could even write back, it wasn’t like she had made any giant strides in learning commons written form.

“--Kukroku---!”

Nadine’s eyes snapped open, and she was off racing to the source of the caw with her cloak fluttering behind her. She jumped over fallen tree branches and logs, narrowly avoiding slipping in mud as well. The rain from last night was harsh, even bringing a few trees down along the way.

“--Kroku---!”

In the corner of her eye, she noticed a black berry bush rustle. She came to a sudden halt as quietly as she could, hoping not to scare off the rooster. Of course, given that it was the rooster and not some fennec like it had been the last two times.

She crouched down as she held her breath, hoping that her shadow didn’t already scare it off. She raised her arm to the bush, pushing aside the sparse leaves and tangles of twigs. “Come on out little guy,” She muttered. What she expected was the beadie, wide eyes of a bird. Instead she was met with a pair of golden almond shaped eyes, with an added growl. She took a sharp inhale and jumped backwards, her hand instinctively going to her sword.

She shielded herself just in time as the wolf lunged at her. It’s large fangs were clenched around her blade, which at the same time showed Nadine’s own reflection back at her. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was agape; she was frozen in complete shock. A cold bead of sweat dripped from her forehead. She could feel the muscles in her arms start to falter.

With her heart was beating loudly in her ears, she had no time to think. The wolf was about to let go, and before it could attack again she knocked it back with every ounce of courage she had left. Her sword was hers again, and before the chance of losing it again came close--she twirled the grip in her hand and quickly aimed the blade down. The wolf’s howl rang sharp in her ears.

She could see her breath in the air before it faded into nothing. It was silent and empty, there for a moment and gone the next. The blood that seeped into the forest floor was not. It lingered next to the mushrooms, soaked into the wolfs fur, and pooled from the wound in its neck. She stifled a noise in the back of her throat as she pulled her sword out of the creature. She felt sick, disgusted, horrified. Her body felt heavy and her knees weak, but she stood like she was made of stone. Her throat felt so raw that it was impossible to swallow even the spit in her mouth. She put her sword back in it’s sheath as if she was in some sort of trance.

Her eyes were stuck on the wolf. Her mind struggled to catch up with the decision her body made. She had to defend herself, there was nothing else she could do. Or, even if there was, it was too late now.

Then, the leaves behind her started to rustle. It felt like being stabbed in the ears. She darted around with her hand already to the sheath on her hip. Her hood was completely down, and she felt utterly exposed. Her sword sang out as she held it in her hand again, unaffected by the blood that dripped from it.

“Please, I plead for mercy!” A sarcastic voice spoke. The shadows of the forest relieved Garrett. He held both of his hands up in a mock surrender, and his daggers remained holstered on his back. Even he was bundled up, a sight that Nadine hadn’t seen before. Though, despite his jacket and scarf, his nose was still tinted a bright red. “I’m a simple man, merely searching for a lost cock.”

She paused, trying to figure out what to say. She couldn’t find it in herself to give even a nervous laugh. “I’m...sorry,” She then said, taking a step to the side to show him the now dead animal. “It seems like a pack of wolves have started to roam closer to the town, I don’t think it’s wise to search for it.”

The relaxed expression on his face was replaced with one of concern. He cursed under his breath. “At least you took care of that one, if left alone it would have terrorized the rest of the farms.” He said. “We should head back. You’re... Nadine, correct? Rufus's Apprentice?”

Nadine put her sword back in its sheath as she nodded. Apart of her wanted to hold on to it, just in case--but then she started to feel sicker by the second. She knew that she was practicing fighting for a reason, but it did little to rid her of the guilt she felt.

“I thought you seemed familiar,” He spoke on the quieter side as he glanced around the forest, but not quietly enough to call it a whisper. “We should warm the farmers around here as soon as we can. I don’t think anyone can afford to lose their cattle this close to yule. Do you mind accompanying me?”

Nadine chewed on her lower lip. “Not to be rude, but,” She took a chance to breathe as she pulled her hood back up, “Are you sure you can’t do that on your own? I do have an actual job, if you uh, forgot. I’m just on break.”

“The faster we can let everyone know, the better. Some people around here have kids,” He then said, “None of them exactly on the brighter side, we don’t want to risk them having an encounter with a wolf. Not all of them can defend themselves.”

Nadine inwardly sighed. He was right, of course. Two people could let everyone know a lot faster than one. “We should start with the Hornsby’s, then. They're the closest from here.”

“I’ll be sure to let Rufus know to yell at me instead of you for being late,” A rumble of thunder then shook the ground, forcing the birds from high up in their nests to flee. Nadine watched as they flew overhead, just as the clouds begin to grow darker. When she turned her attention back to Garrett, he looked as if the world was taunting him. “Well, I suppose that’s our cue to hurry.”

“I guess so.”

Garrett hummed a simple tune under his breath as they left the woods with haste. It was a welcomed noise for Nadine. The gloom of the forest scratched at her heels, and any distraction she happily took. Crickets started to chirp just as their feet made content with the thin dirt path that connected the town together.

“Honestly,” Garrett spoke, “I forget to close the coop once, and this happens.”

Nadine kept her eyes on the ground, but she could feel a bit of a smile creep onto her face. She recalled the time Carver came to the forge once, with chicken feathers all tangled up in his hair. He grumbled about his brother letting the hens lose for the rest of the day.

“What are you smiling about? Finding humor in my misfortune, are you?”

“Not yours, no.” She clarified. Someone was defensive.

“Oh? Pray tell what you mean by that?” He leaned forward to try and catch a better glance at her face, though her hood was doing a rather good job of warding him off.

“I just doubt that this is the first time this has happened,” She slowly explained. She could feel herself calm down, just a bit. She turned her head to him, showing the slightest of smiles. “You seem like the forgetful type, that’s all.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Oh--is this about that damn key? I haven’t lost it since, you know!”

She laughed. “I wasn’t referring to that at all, but, uh, now that you’ve mentioned it--your mother did put in an order for more lock picks.” She said, “You wouldn’t have any idea of why, would you?”

He scoffed. “That woman--no, I refuse to answer that.”

Soon the Hornsby’s farm slowly came into view. Their goat was trotting around the fence; keen on keeping it’s eye on the two strangers. It was the runt when it was born, or at least that’s what the Hornsby’s youngest son told her once.

“Well, let’s get this over with,” Garrett said, picking up his pace. “I have a feeling this is going to take all day.”

“I’ll meet you at the next farm over then,” She said. “Good luck--Oh, and be careful--the Hornsby’s goat is a _complete_ asshole.”

Garrett blinked, and before he realized what she said she was gone, already running off to the next house. His eyes shifted back to the gate, and more pointedly--the goat that guarded it. It’s horns seemed to be perfectly aimed right at Garrett. The only thing holding it back was the same gate he needed to open.

He was definitely making Nadine pay for drinks later. Just for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had chapter 7 done, but I kind of felt like it was going to fast? So this is technically chapter 6.5? I guess I wanted Nadine and Hawke to interact a bit more before Shit Happens. So that's also why this chapter is a little shorter than previous ones as well. 
> 
> TL:DR for people uncomfortable with animal death--  
> Nadine goes searching in the woods for a lost rooster. During her search she comes across a wolf and kills it. After that she comes across Hawke, who suggests they inform the nearby farms, as the wolves have never came this close to the town in years. They talk for a while, and Nadine leaves him to avoid dealing with a mean goat.


	8. Let sleeping dogs lie

“Just--Just listen to me!” 

“Makers breath girl, you’re panicking over nothing.”

A warming glow began to rise over the countryside that morning, but ice still dropped from the tree branches way up high as the sting of winter began to make itself comfortable. Nadine was speaking as fast as she could, as if she took even a single breath then she’d lose her voice for good. 

“Over nothing?” She raised her voice, her face contorting into a scowl. “There’s a blight, right on our doorstep, and I’m over reacting? You don’t think we should at least have a plan for the worst case scenario?”

“There’s no way to tell if its a real one,” Rufus replied with a hoarse voice as he slammed his axe back down. The smell of freshly chopped wood drifted in the air, only to be overtaken by the forge’s heavy stench of soot. “We’re not leaving shop over a slim--damn near impossible chance, of a real blight coming here.”

“Not a single shipment has made it here in weeks! What use is a forge with no metal, no leather, no _food!?”_

His response was the sound of another log being cut in half. Conversation over. Though, Nadine would argue that it never started. Throwing her hands up in defeat, she turned to leave. Away from the shop, and away from _Rufus_. 

Nadine had been reading over the letters Carver had sent her, late into the night with only a single candle to guide her. His handwriting was horrid, but Nadine could argue that her reading comprehension was even worse. One thing that she could understand without a doubt was the word, ‘wardens’. They were bringing in the _Grey Wardens_ for the next battle.

And thus the clock started ticking faster.

Few that believed it to be a true blight, but the threat of darkspawn was undeniable. Wolves have been circling closer and closer to town, as all of their hunting spaces had been over run with the spawn. Spiders have been doubling in size as well, leaving her to be the one that cut down the ones that crept too close the the forge. Everything felt grim, and Nadine dreaded each time she had to use her sword. 

Her first instinct was to go to the tavern. Maybe try and gain a few hours of a carefree mind. She quickly scolded herself for the thought. Relying on alcohol was a path she didn’t even want to humor. She’d only go to the Tavern when she knew her brain wasn’t keen on destroying itself.

Though, it wasn’t like Lothering had a bunch of things to do aside from drinking yourself into a stupor and herding sheep. 

Nadine chewed at her lips. Her own preparations have been done. She had stashed enough gold to get her in a few taverns, potions and elfroot to patch herself up, and enough food to last her a day or two. Her sword work could be better, but she could at least defend herself long enough to run. If she decided to, at least. Maybe she’d just end up giving it to someone else last minute, but at least she had the option.

But Rufus? It was almost like he wanted to die with how he dismissed Nadine’s concerns. 

It wasn’t the towns people’s fault. No one could guess the exact arrival of an entire hoard of darkspawn. She’d look like a madwoman if she started saying they were coming _for certain._ Considering how Rufus brushed her off... well, she knew that she needed to keep a level head. 

What to do, what to do? She didn’t really _want_ to go to the Chantry, but her real only chance of doing something there. She needed to push aside her pride. The Chantry mother probably had evacuation prep already started. No doubt they could use an extra set of hands. 

She made sure to close her bag tight. She carried around that specialization book wherever she went. If she was going to the Chantry with it, she had to be careful. She hadn’t seen that murky pond again, no matter how much she meditated. She would be lying if she said everything had been fine since, but, well, she rather not dwell on it. The nightmares probably had nothing to do with it! She was just stressed, that was all. It was just. Stress. 

( _It wasn’t like she could remember what nightmares stalked her, anyways. One of the perks of not being a mage. She just was stuck waking up in the middle of the night with a racing heart.)_

She had still been learning from it regardless, and at that point she clung to anything that made her stop _thinking_ so much.

Nadine was already on the outskirts of the town when she stopped in her tracks. What made her pause was a looming figure standing that metal cage. Had she been so consumed about the blight and Rufus that she didn’t even hear about Stens sentencing? She had heard about a that had family been murdered in passing, but she didn’t think much of it. Thedas was a dangerous place, if not darkspawn then it was slavers or bandits. 

Her leg started to bounce as she let out a shaky breath. How could she not pay more attention? How was she supposed to surviving outside of Lothering if she wasn’t aware of her most basic surroundings? She clenched her fists and stalked past the cage, ignoring the cold stare that Sten gave her. 

She entered the Chantry with her hands twitching in her pockets. The building smelled like musty wood and rain, with the pews filled with lowered heads and quiet prayers. Nadine couldn’t recognize a single one, even if she tried. That daunting feeling she first felt when she entered the Chantry months ago was gone. It wasn’t a stone building with gold at every corner, with eyes looking at ‘sinful people’ as if they were animals. It was just...a room. 

She picked up her pace and walked further into the Chantry. Her leather boots echoed no matter how silent she tried to be. Sophia smiled when she saw Nadine, busy with a book as she sat on the last free bench. 

“Nadine, it’s odd to see you here. Does Rufus have another donation?” She asked. 

“Well, uh,” Nadine sputtered. “No, actually.”

“Take your time, dear.” Sophia spoke softly, closing her book to give Nadine her full attention. “What plagues you?”

“I was wondering if the Chantry was doing any relief efforts? I know right now there are only rumors of a blight, but...” Nadine fiddled with the hems of her cloak. “I wanted to help, in some way. I think I’m going insane just sitting and doing, well, nothing.”

Sophia got up and placed her book down where she sat. Her gazed looked over the people with their heads down, all in prayer. Her voice was just loud enough for Nadine to hear. “The Revered Mother has already started relief efforts. Rations, blankets, salves, poultices, etc. We haven’t spoken much of it to the public to avoid panic. Your help would be appreciated.”

“Yes,” She said without a moment's hesitation, “Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

* * *

The birds that chirped in the morning started to be replaced with the hoot of owls. The moons began to take the sun's place in the sky, watching as a work worn Nadine left the Chantry. Her hands were sore from making lesser health poultices all day, but not nearly as pained as she usually felt after working in the forge. She would have stayed longer, but they ran out of ingredients fast. Not a single leaf of elfroot was left in Lothering.

She yawned as she made her way to the tavern. Despite working all day, her tongue still felt sharp. If she saw Rufus, she didn’t know what she’d end up saying. Maybe food would help. Given that she had enough money with her, that is. 

“Oh! Nadine, It’s nice to run into you.” 

Nadine nearly jumped in her boots, but felt rather foolish after seeing Bethany close to laughter right in front of her. “Please don’t laugh,” She said with a pathetic sigh, “I’ve had a long day.”

“I could gather that much,” She replied. “You look rather...dead.”

“Thanks for making me feel better,” Nadine muttered. She glanced at the direction Bethany came from and raised an eyebrow. “Coming back from the tavern?”

It was Bethany’s turn to look disappointed. “I was hoping to buy some ale to bring home, but they’ve raised their prices.” She said. “...Again.”

“Doesn’t surprise me, I know the forge hasn’t been getting our shipments. I assume it’s like that for everyone else.” She said, “Hopefully things will get back to normal soon. Did you need the ale for uh, something important?”

“Something important?” Bethany tilted her head, “No, not really. It just would have been nice to have with dinner.”

Nadine nodded, feeling slightly stupid for even asking. “Ah, yeah, right. Makes sense.” She said, “Well, guess it’s my turn to get robbed for dinner. Uh, see you around.”

Nadine was about to walk around Bethany to the tavern, but she was promptly stopped. “Wait, Nadine-- _Maker you remind me of a weasel sometimes_ \--how about having dinner with my family tonight?”

Nadine blinked, slightly offended. “Dinner with your family? I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Honestly, my mother has been so worried since my brother had left for Ostagar. She always looks at his chair with such a sad expression.” She said, “A guest might...cheer things up, just a bit.”

Nadine inwardly sighed. Even the smallest of guilt trips could win her over. “I... guess I can.” She said. “As long as we’re not eating nug soup.”

“No, _no,_ even I hate that.” Bethany laughed, “Let’s go, before my mother starts to worry.”

The walk back to the Hawke’s farm wasn’t long, but it wasn’t filled with any conversation. Nadine wondered how often Bethany actually left the house; she knew she had a few friends in Lothering, but even when Nadine was out making deliveries she rarely saw her. More often than not it was Carver who hung around the tavern.

It was a subtle reminder to Nadine to count herself as lucky. She doubted she could survive as an apostate like Bethany. Always on guard and always having to be ready to run. Nadine didn’t think she’d be able to handle it. It took someone a lot stronger. 

“And here we are,” Bethany said as she opened the door. Nadine felt herself relax the moment she stepped foot inside. It was so much warmer. That little heating rune in her pocket was surprisingly weak. She wondered if Bolder cheeped out on her.

“Did you get the ale?!” A voice yelled from the kitchen. No doubt it was Garrett. Bethany rolled her eyes as she motioned Nadine to come with her.

“They wanted a whole sovereign for it,” Bethany replied as they entered the small kitchen. It reminded her of the one she had back home, with no real dinner room the table was just shoved into the corner. “I thought it would be better to save the coin.”

Garrett turned around from the stove with a rather sharp knife in hand. On the stove was a large pot filled to the brim with some creamy looking soup. Steam rose all the way to the ceiling, and the smell of turnips floated around the room. “You must be kidding?” He said, “A whole sovereign? They must be going mad.”

Bethany hummed and sat at the table, resting her chin in her hands. “At least I found Nadine. She’s staying for dinner.”

“You could have had _her_ pay for drinks.” He said.

“I already paid for your drinks at the tavern barely even three days ago,” Nadine retorted, “And hello to you too, by the way.”

“I still have bruises on my legs from that damned goat, you know.” He said, waving his knife at her. “I’m a _victim,_ try to have some compassion.”

“Of course, we should take you to a healer _right_ away.” Nadine said with a smile, “How you can even walk is beyond me. Poor thing.”

“Don’t humor him Nadine, it’ll never end.” Bethany warned.

“Even my own sister! When did everyone become so horrible?” He said with a shake of his head. Nadine couldn’t help it and laughed. 

Nadine and Bethany helped set the table while Garrett watched the stew. The bowls were all on the simpler side, some even having a crack or two in them. The Hawke household as a whole was rather humble, but it was clear that they’ve never had to worry about going hungry. 

“Oh, shit---How much cumin goes in again?” Garrett asked, holding a glass bottle cumin with a confused expression. Bethany sighed.

“A teaspoon.” She said. Garrett didn't buy it. He put the bottle on the counter scratched the stubble on his jaw, looking at the measuring spoons with some sort of distrust. 

“Are you sure? Didn’t we write it down at some point?” He asked.

Bethany groaned. “Mother makes this all the time, how can you forget?”

“If we make this all the time, why haven’t we written it down?!” 

“Just put one teaspoon in and taste test it,” Nadine interjected their little argument. Having to break up arguments like that was familiar. Even the smallest of arguments always broke out into big fights with her siblings, but she always felt good when she managed to settle things before they blew up. It was never a real family dinner if a knife wasn't thrown at some point. “When it comes to spices, you don’t really need an exact measurement.”

Garrett looked somewhat relieved to hear that. Bethany shrugged like it was obvious. As he put the smallest amount of cumin in as possible at a time, he turned to Nadine. “Do you cook a lot?” He asked.

Bethany said something about grabbing their mother as Nadine leaned against the wall. She pondered for a moment and shrugged. “Kind of? When I, uh, lived with my family I used to help cook. I wasn’t that good at it though." She hummed at the memories flashing by in her head. She never thought she’d miss her mothers cooking as much as she did. She tried to make a few dishes when she lived on her own, but they never quite tasted the same. 

Garrett sighed. “I’m not the best at cooking either. With our mother worried about Carver, Bethany and I wanted to try and let her relax for once.” He said, “But don’t tell anyone, can’t have people knowing I’m not perfect at _everything_.”

“My lips are sealed.” She walked over to the pot and grabbed a wooden spoon to taste test the stew. She paused for a moment and put her fist to her mouth in thought. “It’s not bad.” 

He blinked, “Truly?” 

“Yeah. I mean, I grew up with much spicer food. But when I hear ‘Turnip and Barley soup’, this is what I would expect it to taste like. I guess.”

“That’s a relief.” He said, “Perhaps another time you could show me what the dishes of your home nation are like.”

“I grew up in Tantervale, the food there is just as bland as here I promise you.” She said, surprising herself with how easy it was to slip back into the lie. “My mother did make a few recipes from _her_ home though. She always made this one thing, I forget what it’s called. It has a bunch of spices--it’s mostly just red kidney beans in a thick gravy? You eat it with rice. God it was so good, she had her own recipe for it and nothing could compare.”

If she didn’t catch herself when she did, she doubted she’d be able to stop herself from rambling. She felt her cheeks warm up in embarrassment. _He didn’t ask, Nadine._

Garrett nodded, “I don’t think I’ve ever had something like that before.” He said, “Sounds rather good.”

Then Bethany walked in with her mother. Leandra was delighted to have Nadine over, asking her all about work and Rufus as she ushered her to sit down. Nadine was slightly overwhelmed, but luckily once dinner was served she was able to just nod her head at each question. Garrett was able to steer the conversation in any direction he wanted. It seemed like he was making jokes less, but he still wasn’t serious by any means.

Even without ale, dinner was as lively as one could expect. So much so that she didn’t even notice the hours pass. If only for a little while, everything felt fine.


	9. No time to pick roses

**Nadine rubbed her hands together** as she traveled from house to house. The cold weather seemed to make everything harder. Eating, talking, sleeping, even laughing, it took more and more effort. The world just became a whole lot quieter after the first snow of the year, but even winter couldn’t stop the blight. Nadine’s sword became glued to her hip, despite her growing reluctance. If it wasn’t bandit sightings, then it was giant spiders, wolves, or herlocks. 

_(Although, she herself never_ **_killed_ ** _a bandit. Only wounding them enough to see them limp away in defeat. She tried not to think of what happened when she spared them. Did they bleed out in the forest? Go off to kill someone undeserving? She tried not to think about it.)_

A scarf wrapped around her nose and mouth was a necessity, even simply running down to the well for water meant putting on armor. The taint was as real of a threat as ever, just waiting to consume anyone foolish enough to fight the darkspawn. Sometimes Nadine wondered if she should just risk it. Perhaps dying of the taint would be more pleasant than seeing the destruction of Lothering. 

Rations and clean water filled her backpack as she made deliveries. She tried not to look at the road into town, but it was hard not to see the seemingly endless droves of refugees. Before she delivered nails and horse shoes for Rufus, now she ran errands for Chantry sisters. 

She let out a yawn as the forge finally came back into view. Her day had only begun and she wanted nothing more than to get back into bed. 

“There you are, thought I’d have to start banging on the door.” 

Garrett leaned against the stone fence. The stubble that once lined his jaw was now looking more like an actual beard. Nadine would admit that it suited him rather well, even if the rest of his family disagreed.

“Oh, I’m sure Rufus would _love_ that.” Nadine replied as her lips quirked up into a smile. “Let me grab a few things from inside, I’ll be right out.”

He nodded, showing no need to rush. Nadine opened the door and resisted the urge just to huddle close to the fire, no matter how much the crackle of the fire beckoned her closer. She heard the creaking of the bed in the other room and remembered what she even came inside to do. She grabbed the pail of water she fetched earlier off the table and put it over the fire. 

They haven’t had any new orders lately, but even if they did they had no materials to fill them. It left Rufus with no reason to wake up early anymore. She saw less and less of him with each day. She was rather fed up with him, but ignoring him on purpose was never her intent. Life just... needed her elsewhere. 

She took the bitter smelling tea leaves out from the cabinet and placed them right next to his mug. She glanced around the room before nodding to herself and grabbing her shield. Time to get started.

She shivered when she opened the door, wincing at another gust of wind. When she looked at Garrett, she caught him mid yawn.

“Not an early riser either, then?” She asked. The frozen grass crunched under her boots. 

“What can I say? I like my beauty sleep.” 

Nadine took a few steps into the field. She unsheathed her sword and looked at Garrett with a glint in her eyes, for once she felt like she was prepared for a fight. She twirled her sword as she took a step forward. Another gust of wind rolled through the field as the two circled each other, waiting for the other to strike. 

Garrett dashed forward, nearly catching Nadine off guard. She pushed her weight into her shield and rolled out of the way in the nick of time. The fight picked up speed in an instant, forcing Nadine onto the defensive. Blocking and dodging just to stand a chance. Hawke had no issue using dirty tricks to try and throw her off, something she could recall his brother complain about.

Nadine could barely keep up, the more she tried to keep track of him the more her eyes struggled to keep focus. Garrett gritted his teeth and tried not to scowl as Nadine doged again from another attack. She had no clue on how to change the tides, and frankly she couldn’t even think of a plan if she wanted to. 

In the corner of her eye, Nadine saw a blur of figures in the distance. She furrowed her brow as she tried to redirect her attention, however--The moment Nadine blinked, a blade was at her throat. 

The battle came to a screeching halt. The only sound in the field was the two’s haggard breathing.The metal of Garrett's dagger was cold, instinctively making her stand up straighter. However, her sword was still safe in her hand. The gears in her head slowly started to turn.

“Do you yield?” He asked. 

She kept her face calm as her knuckles turned white, adjusting her grip on her sword just out of his sight. A thousand thoughts raced in her mind of what to do next, but if it had been a true fight, she’d already been dead, wouldn't she?

“Yeah. I guess I do.” 

She tried not to let her disappointment show on her face.

Then the blade was gone. Hawke took a step back with a bit of sway in his step while letting out a breath laced with exhaustion. Even if Nadine didn’t get distracted, she knew she couldn’t actually beat Hawke. Hell, it took weeks of sparring with Carver to beat him _once._

She was just hopeful. Overconfident, maybe. It was something she was unused to, and it made actual failure feel worse. 

“You’re fast. For a warrior, that is.” He spoke as he put his daggers in their sheath on his back. 

“I’ll take that compliment. I think.” Her voice made that sound more like a question, if anything. She looked at her reflection in her sword. The whole point of sparring was to prepare herself for a _real_ fight. One where death was expected outcome. When she sparred with Carver she could blame ignorance on how carefree she felt, but now she had no excuse.

“You should.” Hawke replied, slowly finding his breath again. He snapped Nadine away from her overthinking. “You’re better than I first believed.”

Nadine laughed, but not too loudly or strongly. It a way, it almost sounded a bit bitter _._ “I’m alright with people having low expectations of me. It makes impressing people easier.”

“Oh, were you holding back on me then? I think a rematch is in order.” 

“Give me a week to recover first.” She said, “Until then, I--”

Another gust of wind whipped past them, accompanied by the sound of footsteps. Nadine’s attention snapped to the source, ready for a fight. Garrett was right behind her, his daggers back in his hands in the blink of an eye.

However, instead of darkspawn rushing towards them, it was a group of travelers calmly walking up the path. Her heart, already beating heavily at the mere _idea_ of fighting darkspawn so early, felt foolish. She heard Garrett take a step next to her. She glanced at him through the corner of her eyes, seeing him assess the travelers as they came closer. His daggers were still in his hands, making her raise an eyebrow. 

“Could be bandits.” He muttered, just loud enough for her to hear. “Hoards of darkspawn aren’t the only threat.”

As the group came into focus, Nadine put her sword back in its sheath. “I don’t think a Chantry sister could be a bandit.”

“You don’t know that, maybe she wanted a career change.” There was a quirk in his tone as he hid his daggers back out of sight. She turned her attention back to the travelers with a smile.

As the group came closer, Nadine started to fiddle with the hem of her sleeve. Garrett frowned, there was no doubt that she recognized the travelers. He recognized the Chantry sister, but not a single face of the rest rang a bell. He wondered if she met them during her travel to Lothering months ago.

The leader of the group walked ten paces ahead. He was an elf with swirls of dark red ink laced across his face, like the vines of a rose. He carried a staff on his back, forged of a dark metal that weaved into a spiral at the top. He met the gazes of Garrett and Nadine without so much of a flinch. 

“Those two are Wardens, their armor says enough. But why are they _here_?” Hawked mused.

She took a step forward, even if her legs wished that she’d run back into the forge and lock the doors. _If they’re here today, then that means..._

“Hello there,” She spoke with a loud voice, surprising even herself with how confident she sounded. “The forge is closed today. I’m sorry to say.”

The elf folded his arms as he stood in front of her, “Just now? Or is it just because you don’t want _my_ coin?”

His companions just then caught up to him. The mabari quickly circled around her and Garrett, sniffing their feet and looking like he was begging for a good pet. Nadine swallowed hard and reminded herself not to forget to breathe. “I have no problem with you, Warden.” She made sure to use his title, “We simply don’t have the means of making anything. Our latest delivery was supposed to arrive last night, but it never came. Bandits and a blight tend to go hand in hand.”

She glanced at Garrett, only to see him kneeling down to pet the dog. It’s tongue was hanging out of the side of its mouth as Garrett called him a ‘good boy’ and ‘absolutely the best war hound’ in a baby voice. 

She looked back at the Warden, finding him having the same annoyed expression as her at the sight. She sighed. “We have a few lock picks left and poultices, but that’s all I can sell you.”

“Very well, how much for all of them?”

“Uh,” She thought for a moment before shaking her head. It didn’t matter. “Ah, let’s just call it for ten silver. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Nadine gave a brief smile to the wardens and went back into the forge. She couldn’t hear any talking as the door closed behind her, and she didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. At least the dog provided a well needed distraction, even if she was more of a cat person.

She searched the cabinets for the lock picks she made yesterday. She wondered if she should just give them to the warden for free. The blight had been hard on everyone, and from what she could remember from the dalish origin, he must be mourning. He had good reason to be hostile, living most of his life away from humans. If she were in his shoes... well, she just understood.

Once she found the lock picks she had been searching for, she closed the cabinet and turned to the door. Rufus sat by the fireplace, sipping his tea as he watched the fire flicker. 

“Customers?” He asked, his voice just above a mumble. 

“Wardens, more specifically. Buying the rest of our lock picks and poultices.” She said through a huff, throwing the lock picks she made into a small pouch. It was the last one that didn’t have any holes in it. The poultices were just on the table. She snatched them up and moved to the door.

“Wardens? What in the blazes are they doing in Lothering?” That clearly woke him up. He put down his mug and turned to Nadine. 

“ _Clearly_ not celebrating.” 

As Nadine walked back to the door, she looked at her bag on the hook. She had everything ready to go in a moments notice while all of Rufus things remained in his room. She frowned as she looked at the back of Rufus.

Hawke was gone by the time she arrived back outside. If the wardens were in Lothering, then he must be out searching for Carver. She pushed back her own urge to start looking for him as well. She had to go to the Chantry almost immediately after this, no doubt that she had work to do. She walked up to the Warden with the most polite expression she could muster.

“Here, this is all we have.” She said. 

He looked at the bag in his hands and eyed her suspiciously. “How much did you say?”

“Two silvers.” She amended, “Warden discount.” 

“How kind of you, Nadine.” Leliana said. Nadine blinked, and for a second her brain completely blanked. She forgot Leliana was even _there._

“It’s, ah,” She looked at anyone _but_ Leliana. “No problem. You’re, uh, traveling with them then, I’m assuming?”

“Oh, then the whole village is not aware of her ‘vision’? I’m shocked.” Morrigan mocked. 

“...Right.” Nadine hesitantly said, “....Well, if there is nothing else I can do for you--”

“Are you sure you cannot repair our armor?” Alistair asked this time. His voice was warm, Nadine didn’t know how else to explain it. Perhaps he was trying to make up for the other Wardens blunt way of speaking. 

“I’m only an apprentice. Rufus is the real blacksmith--however since the news of the blight hit he....hasn’t been in the right state to work.” 

“Perhaps we could try and reason with him,” Leliana suggested. “Even sister Sophia has mentioned concern for him.”

Nadine paused. Rufus knew nearly everyone in Lothering, it simply came with the job. It wasn’t like she was the only one who cared about him. Turning down help would be selfish. “You’re welcome to try.” She said, “He refuses to even consider evacuating, let alone leave the forge.”

“Is he a fool?” Morrigan scoffed, “As if a simple building could protect him from an army of darkspawn. Is everyone in this village mad?”

Nadine opened her mouth, but she didn’t have a single clue on how to respond to that. Morrigan wasn’t wrong, per say, but Nadine wasn’t really ready for that level of....Morrigan-ness.

“....Yeah, she’ll stay out here.” Alistair slowly replied as he turned his attention back to Nadine. “Don’t worry, we’ll try to get through to him.” 

He offered a smile, but it did little to calm her worries. A simple glance at the party alone made it clear that they didn’t have a single ounce of persuasion combined. Leliana probably had the best chance, but considering Rufus’s stand on the chantry, it wasn’t a very good one.

Still, Nadine nodded and opened the forge’s door, peering in before inviting the group in. Rufus was still staring at the fire, reminding her more of a ghost than the man who practically saved her life months ago.

He didn’t so much as move, even as every one shuffled in. He sat on a stool by the fire with not a sign of him moving any time soon. Nadine was apprehensive about their little plan, but she bit back her anxieties. She cleared her throat, “Rufus, the wardens would like a word.” 

He gruffed in reply as the group poured in. Nadine was suddenly much more aware of how small the shop was in that moment. Now that she thought about it, Rufus never had any guests over. She could see the dalish warden scrunch his nose up at the smell of soot and iron, almost causing Nadine to crack a smile. Well, maybe that was why. 

“The battle of Ostagar was a loss.” Mahariel spoke without a single waver in his voice. Nadine’s eyes doubled in size, that was _not_ how she expected his opening line to go. “The hoard will get here--"

It was then did Rufus turn his head. It wasn’t like he darted around with anger in his eyes. No, it was nothing like that. He was a tired old man, who was fatigued with empty words. His eyes met the Wardens, and the warden let his ‘speech’ trail off. At least Nadine wasn't the only one who lost her words when he looked at someone like that. 

“You’re a mage, are you then?” Rufus asked. 

The warden’s eyes darted to the door. Instead of leaving, however, he clenched his fists and stood his ground. “Is that an issue?”

Rufus tilted his head and looked at his mug. It was empty. When he stood up, every joint in his body seemed to pop. Nadine furrowed her eyebrows. “If you have any problems with your armor, I’ll fix them.” He said. “After that, don’t linger.”

Nadine knew she needed to hold her tongue. This was what she wanted, and the Warden’s clearly needed him, but she felt like she could breathe _fire_ at that moment. All his flip flopping--she couldn’t remember a time where she was that _frustrated_. “You haven’t so much as look at your tools in weeks, and suddenly you’re ready to get to work when some wardens come through?” She snapped.

“You said it yourself, not much work with no materials.” 

“So you heard me when I said we had no materials, but not when I said that we had darkspawn outside our front door?” Was Nadine’s sharp reply.

“Nadine, perhaps--” Leliana’s soft voice didn’t fit the feeling in the room. Nadine was far too upset to even _think_ of getting flustered. She grabbed her bag off the hook and was already opening the door. 

“If you change your mind-- _I doubt you ever will_ \--I’ll be helping refugees until sunrise tomorrow. After that I’ll be _far_ from Lothering and on a ship to _Rivain._ ” 

Before she could even see the look on his face, she slammed the door closed. She refused to give up her own safety for a man who’d rather bury his head in the sand than look around and see the truth. She wanted to help him, but even she had her limits. 

Nadine hoped that the potions and lock picks she gave the wardens was enough. God knows they had a journey in front of them. 

She wondered if she did too

* * *

Nadine never realized how much she loved dreaming until it was taken away. She even missed the nightmares. She missed going to the kitchen at three a.m. to make a cup of peppermint tea, with Alke right on her heels purring every bad feeling away. 

It seemed that even the smell of peppermint tea was only a memory. Home felt further and further away each day. She was under no illusion that she would just be able to avoid being homesick. But once she saw the Wardens walk up to the forge, unknowing of how they were the heroes that Nadine loved as a child, It reminded Nadine of a lot of things.

It made her really miss home. Her chest hurt, and it hurt in a way that she hadn't felt in a long time.

It felt like grief. 

Now that her life could very well end in mere hours _,_ Nadine found it funny how childish she really was. Every second she spent reading, laughing, hell, even _eating_ \--she regretted. She regretted everything. She could have done _more_ , why didn’t she?

Nadine could only count her breath, reminding herself to breath in and out. As if she didn’t remind herself her heart would stop completely. She tried to focus on the chirping of crickets and the crackle of a fire near the outskirts of town. The night felt too quiet. 

She stood by the roadway with the guards and templars. They took anyone who could hold a sword to hold the front line. When they came into the Chantry asking for help, who was Nadine to say no? There were farmers much older and weaker volunteering. It felt odd to be standing next to templars and the guard. More refugees came stumbling in by the hour, carrying whatever they could on their backs. They had no more elfroot, no more rations, no more blankets or even a single comforting smile left to give. 

“Nadine, was it?” The voice belonged to a man under a helmet. She recognized it, hearing the same man singing drunken shanties at the tavern. “You wouldn’t happen to know that girl over there? She’s been staring at you for...maker knows how long.”

He pointed in the direction of the town, but it was hard to see exactly what he was pointing at in the dark. She squinted her eyes, just barely able to make out the silhouette of a woman. “I can’t tell who it is from here,” She said through a sigh, “Would it be a problem if I ran over? I won’t take longer than a second.”

“Not at all. If we see the hoard tonight, you’ll know by our yelling.” 

She gave him a half hearted smile. It must have looked more tired than she knew. She walked back into town, trying her hardest to ignore the cries of children and the stares of refugees. What could she do? She didn’t _know_ how to help everyone. She was left with an unmoving amount of dread, growing larger by the moment. 

“Pst, Nadine!” A feminine voice whispered. Nadine blinked and turned to the source. Bethany stood by the now empty cage, bundled up in a heavy cloak and scarf. Of course Bethany would avoid getting any closer Nadine, she was surrounded by templars out by the city gates.

“Bethany, I hear Carver made it back in one piece?” She started, “I guess you all have already started packing.”

“We’re leaving tomorrow, before dawn.” Bethany replied. “Garrett ran into Leliana before she left, she said you were going to Rivian?”

Nadine shifted where she stood. Rivian was the safest place she could think of, but just hearing someone else say made it feel more real. Even then, it was a big ‘if’. _If_ Nadine survived, she’d go to Rivian. Nadine couldn’t recall anything plot related happening there, it was her safest bet of not completely dooming Thedas from her own stupidity. 

“Yeah,” Nadine slowly replied. She couldn’t look at Bethany while she talked. “If there’s another ship leaving sooner--I don’t care where it’ll take me, I’ll take it.”

Bethany frowned. “I...” She paused and tapped the ground with the point of her shoes, trying to think of how to word what she wanted to say. “You could come with us, if you’d like. Once you and Carver started sparring, I started speaking with my mother about where we would go, in case the hoard made it here. We have an estate in Kirkwall, and we’ve already written to our uncle about our arrival.”

It took a moment for what Bethany said to process in Nadine’s head. They already wrote to Gamlen? Nadine stuttered, at a loss on what to say. “I’ll... think about it.” She ended up saying, “ Would your family be okay with me tagging along?”

She laughed a soft laugh. It felt odd hearing something so safe in a situation that felt deadly. “Yes, I think they’ll be just fine.” She said.

Traveling with the Hawke family was a nice thought, but that’s all it was--a thought. She would just be a dead weight, a liability at most. If she went with them, would they even get into Kirkwall? Would they end up with another year of indentured servitude?

No, the events in Kirkwall were far too delicate, far too serious. She couldn’t get involved in that. She knew she was a coward, and she knew that she wasn’t some hero. Maybe.. If she lived through the next twenty-four hours she’ll write to them. Maybe just about keeping a warden with them if they go to the deep roads, or maybe keep a closer eye on their mother.

She could blame her cryptid messages on some Rivaini seer she met. She’d be so far away from them that she could ignore their questions. 

She looked at Bethany, just then realizing how quiet she’d been. 

“I’ll try to meet you all at Gwaren then,” Nadine couldn’t meet Bethany’s eyes when she spoke. “But if I don’t show, don’t wait for me.”

“What do you mean?” Bethany squinted, “Why wouldn’t you show?”

Nadine swallowed hard. 

“The darkspawn are close, you don’t have to be a warden to be able to tell.” She was speaking faster than normal. “I’m going to try and help people evacuate as long as I can. You and your family should leave sooner. Don’t wait until dawn.”

“Carver can barely take a single step, Nadine. He’s wounded, hungry, _exhausted_. He’s barely spoken a word since returning. If we leave now we’d be worse off.” Bethany replied. “Ostagar... was worse than the stories everyone is telling. Far worse.”

Nadine could feel her hands start to go numb. She couldn’t tell if it was due to the cold or her panic. She turned and looked at the village gates, the guard and templars all stood with sleep tugging at their armor. They didn’t have enough people to fight off the darkspawn. Not nearly enough.

Some had real experience in a battle, but even then she doubted they’ll survive. Maybe there 

was something in the air that dashed away any hope of survival, or maybe Nadine was coming to terms that the blight was already there.

“I’ll try. To make it to Gwaren, I mean.” Nadine said through a thick voice. “Be safe, Bethany.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dragon age origins let me be a mage mahariel


	10. Sharper than pine needles

**Nadine’s heart was in her throat.** She remembered hearing once that winter brought death, and she wondered if whoever said that knew how right they were. She didn’t know why she kept running, what was even the point? What waited for Nadine after all of this? Maybe it was the fire in her blood that forced her to keep going, because not a clue to suggest otherwise came to mind.

“Blacksmith--You’re running the wrong way!” Nadine whipped around, her tightly braided hair twirling with her. With a staff stood Bolder, just barely holding off another hurlock by the Chantry gates. Of _course_ he was lying about being a rouge.

She charged forward with her shield, throwing the darkspawn off it’s balance. With the spear end of his staff, Bolder stabbed the creature down into the ground. _Twitch, groan, still_.

Questions of when or why he was even in Lothering didn’t matter at the moment. “I have to find Rufus,” She said. Her eyes darted across the village. The smell of burnt flesh settled in her lungs. “Head north--We’ll meet you there!” 

She broke off into a sprint without letting Bolder say another word, but his footsteps followed right behind her behind her. 

Lothering was hell. It was pure _hell_. The darkspawn destroyed everything. The houses were on fire, the cattle dead in the field, the ground tinted with ash. The cries from children and adults sounded no different from each other. 

Nadine thought she’d have more time, it was _barely_ sunrise. Of course--she was foolish to think that the darkspawn would wait for breakfast to be done. She was just so tired last night, too many orphans in the Chantry needing attention, too many mouths and not enough food. She just took a quick break from standing guard, a simple _break._

She’d never forget the first Chantry sister screaming that _‘they’_ were here. Nadine was asleep on one of the pews when the screams started. Hysteria broke out in the main hall before she even realized that she needed to run.

Any evacuation plan that was put together was thrown out the window. It was pure chaos. Most of the guards where already dead, and the templars were close behind. 

As smoke filled the air, the forge came into her view. A sight that should have brought her relief brought her panic instead. Darkspawn surrounded it. 

She ran even faster, ignoring the dread that followed her. “--Rufus!” She yelled. Why did she go to the chantry, _why didn’t she stay with him?_

Her sword clanged against a hurlocks shield the moment it saw her try and get close. She gritted her teeth and slashed her sword to his legs, forcing him to kneel. She didn’t spare a second to cut its head off. 

In the middle of all the madness, she could still see Rufus fighting across the darkspawn. She _knew_ he didn’t want to die, but actually seeing him fight for his life--it was a relief. She gritted her teeth and dug her sword into another spawn.

The feeling of frostbite whirled from behind her, nearly nicking her ear. A genlock across the way collapsed to the ground, frozen to its core. Bolder gave her a quick nod. At least someone was watching her back. 

At every breath Nadine took, she had to behead another creature at the same time. With every attack she could feel herself lag behind, just barely connecting her hits. No sparring with Rufus or the Hawkes could have prepared her for this. 

“Oi, blacksmith--we have to leave--”

“Rufus!” She hollered over the fighting, “Rufus what are you--!”

His pale skin looked much paler than before, Nadine realized. Where his grey hair once faded into his face, it then looked darker than the shadows falling under his eyes. Blood wasn’t usually that bright, but when it dripped from the sword in his chest, it looked as if it was sparkling.

Everything was so slow. Every gust of wind that rustled the dead trees, every drop of blood on a sword, every breath taken, it stopped completely.

_“--Makers breath--”_

Rufus crumpled to the ground, revealing a hurlock yanking it’s sword out from his body right behind him. Nadine’s mouth was left agap as she took a step back. Her eyes felt hot and everything was _wrong_. 

No. Not him, not Rufus he- _No. No no non onononono_

Nadine grip on her sword was tight enough to snap the metal in half. She gasped for air, nearly staggering back even more. It couldn’t be real, it _couldn’t._

Another shot of ice raced past her, she turned to see Bolder just as the world around her started to spin and blur. 

The darkspawn were closing in on him. He couldn’t even catch his breath, forced to elbow and kick the creatures just to try and get a single spell out. She could barely see his face, only the sight of rotten skin and bloodied armor garbling together. 

Her knees starting to shake. Her heart was so loud that it _must_ have been ripped out. The darkspawn where gurgling and hissing, everything was so loud and too much. 

They were going to die and _it was her fault._

She swallowed back the vomit rising in her throat and forced her legs to move. She tried to remember that murky pond, as if it could help her in anyway. She got nothing. She had _nothing._ She was alone. 

Bolder was yelling for her, but even his voice became muddled with the sound of the flames. 

_She was alone._

She used every ounce of energy she had to run to Bolder with her shield in front of her, yelling as loudly as she could just to remind herself what she was doing, _why_ she was doing it. She couldn’t recognize her own voice. She felt her shield come into contact with each one of the darkspawns bones, thumping and clattering as if she was a battering ram. 

They lurched back, stunned just long enough for Bolder to cast a cone of cold, freezing all of them. “ _Now!_ ” He shouted. Nadine didn’t need the prompt--she shattered every last one of them as fast as she could. Every bone in her body ached. She wasn’t ready, she was _never_ going to be ready.

“We have to head north, follow the evacuation plan the best we can.” Nadine slurred out not a second after the last one fell. “Are you hurt?”

“Could have used the help a bit _sooner,_ but no.” He snapped, but looked apologetic once the words fell from his mouth. Bolder looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. He wasn’t fit to be fighting, but neither was she. “North you said? Let’s hurry.”

She gave him a nod. She stifled her lower lip and forced herself to not look back as they ran through the havoc. Out of the corner of her eye she saw another templar fall with a hurlock right above it. There was nothing they could do. She knew this was going to happen, yet she fell asleep last night. Why did s _he fall asleep--how dull did she have to be to--She should have done more--she should have--_

“More on our left! Focus Blacksmith!” Bolder shouted as they ran up the hillside. No grass was left, only rock and sand. The smell of smoke followed them from the village, but at this point they didn’t even notice. It was burned into them. 

Another hoard of darkspawn hurled towards them. Nadine forced herself to lift her sword. _‘Please, if there’s any spirit out there,’_ She slashed upwards. ‘ _Purpose,’_ Another slash. _‘Courage,’_ A stab. _‘Valor,’_ A dodge. _‘This is fucking Thedas, isn’t it? Give me_ **_something_ ** _!’_

She wondered if she was losing her mind. The world was spinning but she was still walking straight, cutting down darkspawn after darkspawn. In her mind she was screaming hoping anything would listen. It was useless. 

A stone fist darted past her, stunning the hurlock before it could cut _her_ down. Nadine wobbled forward, they had to keep moving. She kept telling herself that with every step. Bolder was right next to her, eyeing her as if he was wondering if he had to catch her before she passed out. A new scar decorated his face, it was still red and inflamed. She wanted to ask when or how it happened, but they had no time.

Overhead they saw darkspawn caught off by a wall of fire. Nadine groaned and rolled her shoulders, “How many can you take out before I reach them?” 

For the first time since seeing again, he laughed. “How about I freeze them and you break them? We’re getting good at that combo.” He already had his staff at the ready, gaze directed at the unaware darkspawn. With a bit of a jump in her step, she nodded and charged ahead. 

The moment her blade came in contact with the neck of a hurlock, the entire group of them turned to ice. Before she could blink, they shattered to the ground and melted in the wall of fire. 

“Oh, _Maker_ \--Bethany put that fire out! It’s Rufus’s apprentice!” Leandra’s unmistakable voice called out. Nadine felt sick again just hearing his name. How could she justify herself getting out of Lothering?

“What?!” The wall of fire was gone in an instant. Bolder helped Nadine over the now decaying bodies of darkspawn as they walked towards the Hawkes. She put her sword back in its sheath on her hip as she gave a rather awkward wave. 

She didn’t belong there. It wasn’t just Rufus. There were _children_ in the Chantry. _She left them._

“Are you hurt Nadine?” Leandra asked. “We didn’t think anyone else made it out--Rufus--where’s Rufus?”

Nadine’s throat felt like it was closing up. When Nadine looked at Bolder, he put his hand on her shoulder. A silent way of saying he understood. It didn’t make her feel any better. 

“He...didn’t make it.” Bolder said.

She was a _coward_.

“Oh maker, everyone in Lothering....” Leandra’s head was in her hands as she sobbed. The hems of her dress were torn and burnt, another sign that they just barely survived. 

“I know how much Lothering meant to you, mother.” Garrott spoke. Seeing him without some sort of smirk on his face felt wrong. “But we have to move.”

“Yes,” Her voice still wavered as she spoke. When she blinked away the remaining tears, her eyes were still a bright red. “You’re right.”

Nadine wondered how she herself wasn’t crying. 

“We should have run sooner, why did we wait so long?” Bethany asked. 

“Don’t look at me, I’ve been running since Ostagar!” Carver snapped right back at her. Dark circles weighed under his eyes, like they were threatened to drag him into the ground themselves. For all the time Nadine missed him, she didn’t know what to say. All she could do was stare. 

“Yes, everything is terrible and there's no hope,” Hawke said, “Now can we _please_ get a move on?”

He was right, they needed to hurry. With that Hawke lead the way. They traveled further up the mountain path until they could see the darkspawn below, expanding their reach further and further. After every fight ended, another began. If it wasn’t for Carver and Bolder watching her back, all to used to her normal mistakes, she would have been dead for certain. Her fighting was sloppy, but she was still cutting the spawn down. And that’s all they really needed.

Nadine forced herself to focus, she _needed_ to call upon a spirit. That had to be what that hand in the pond was. She just barely managed to dodge the last attack and retreated back to Bolder.

“Blacksmith, you alright?”

But she felt nothing. Her mind was so busy and empty at the same time. 

She was alone _alone alone alone alone._

She could hear that the battle stopped, that they were approaching Aveline and her husband. 

“Hey, really--are you okay--?

 _“I’m fine.”_ She said. “It looks like the templar isn’t _smiting_ anyone, I guess we should join them.”

Bolder paused and watched as she joined the rest of the group. Off in the distance a roar of thunder rumbled the ground. Even with no rain, the glow of a lightning flashed in the sky. The day seemed old, but the sun was just rising over the horizon.

Hawke was asking Wesley how bad his arm was as Nadine stood next to Bethany. They shared a brief look, both looking as if they wanted to say something. It wasn’t the time or place. Not yet.

“Then you will have mine, as always” Aveline spoke without a moment of hesitation. The soft smile on her face jarred Nadine. The woman was covered in blood, yet she was smiling. Nadine wondered how every wasn’t infected with the taint at that point.

“For now we move with you.” Aveline said. “North is cut off, we barely escaped the main body of the horde.”

“Then we’re trapped!” Carver’s voice added. Nadine looked at Leandra with her head was once again in her hands. “The wilds are to the south, that’s no way out.” 

“We have no choice,” Hawke replied, “The darkspawn have us fenced in. We go south.” Hawke was wasting no time as he walked forward. 

It wasn’t long until they made it to another clearing. Thankfully with Aveline in the group, there was someone else to pick up where Nadine faltered. It was rather clear to the new additions that while Nadine knew how to fight, she had never been in a true battle before. When it was brought up, Hawke answered that she was just a blacksmith. She wanted to clarify that she in fact, was _not_ a blacksmith--just an apprentice. But to be an apprentice you would need a master. One that she no longer had. 

“I think,” Nadine spoke for the first time in what felt like forever, “That the worst is yet to come.” 

The group was still traveling as they talked. Nadine had already taken out one of the potions from her bag, offering the rest to whoever needed one. Aveline took one for Wesley, forcing Nadine to bite her tongue. It would be useless, but if it helped the pain...

“Why would you say that? That’s just inviting bad luck.” Hawke said. 

“It just,” She paused before sighing. “Doesn’t an ogre show up when there are this many darkspawn running about?”

“She’s right,” Carver added. “There where many of them at Ostagar. We need to be prepared if one appears.”

“This is why you're my favorite Carver.” Nadine mumbled. Of course, it was _just_ loud enough for him to hear. He rolled his eyes, but there was a bit of a pink tint to his face.

“Alright then,” Hawke said, “If one does show up, we kill it. Sound fair?”

It wasn’t fair, actually. Where Nadine was looking for an actual plain, like who stays back, who protects _Leandra,_ you know, important things, instead she got the simple ‘kill it.’

Killing it wasn’t what she was worried about. Nadine knew expecting an ogre just appearing out of nowhere was an outlandish thing to expect, but she could help but grow frustrated that no one was taking her seriously, _again_. Everyone was exhausted, and in no way could they come up with a real plan in time. But Nadine couldn't help but see all those reasons as excuses. A sense of dread then fell on the group before they could listening to something off in the distance. The _thump thump_ they heard that reminded them of their own hearts beating against their rib cages, but much louder. 

The ground beneath them rumbled as rocks from overhead began tumbling down. Wesley toppled over, leaning into Aveline. She raced to put him down somewhere out of the way as everyone drew their swords and daggers out. A strike of lightning lit up the sky far off into the clouds again, just as the ogre's crude armor caught it’s reflection. It’s giant body casted everyone in it’s shadow, but it’s eyes were only set on one person.

Nadine’s eyes darted to Leandra and Carver. He stood right in front of her, saying something along the lines that _‘everything will be alright, mother’_

Everyone else's eyes were set on the ogre, their brains searching for any idea of how to take it down. Nadine sharply exhaled when she realized this was her only chance. Bolder gave her a nod of approval as she darted to Leandra and Carver. He must have thought she wanted to go and help protect Leandra, or maybe fight alongside someone who was used to her weaknesses. 

Nadine’s legs were shaking, just barely able to keep her standing--let alone running. The blood splatters on her face didn’t seem to bother her as much as she thought, even if the smell of iron was the only thing that filled her nostrils. 

Her sight was set on the monsters left arm. If she could just wound him, he’d avoid using that arm and give Carver enough time to move, or at least that was her plan. She had no air left in her lungs, but it didn’t matter. She lifted her sword higher, using the last ounce of energy she had to raise it above her head. 

Then she realized her mistake.

Nadine's body was lifted up into the air like a rag doll by her arm. She felt a _‘pop’_ , but it didn’t register in her head _why_. It was like she was submerged underwater and she forgot how to swim.

“ _\---No_!”

The blacksmith wasn’t a twig like she thought she was. Still, when her body was slammed back into the ground like it was nothing, it made everyone's blood run cold. She heard the _clink_ of Carver’s armor, rushing from behind her. She saw Bethany cast balls of fire from nothing, reigning down on the darkspawn like a curse from some sort of god. 

Slowly she felt her body being dragged away from the fight. The sound of Leandra huffing and sighing sounded more and more desperate, “ _It’s going to be alright,”_ She heard her say, “ _Maker, please don’t take her.”_

Leandra turned Nadine onto her back, leaving her to stare up at the dark clouds as black dots grew closer and closer together. The battle cries and whistles of swords turned into a simple ringing noise in the back of her head. 

She could feel Leandra put her hand on her chest, only to let out a breath of relief. A loud _thump_ resounded across the rocky landing, and the sound of battle was gone.

“She’s still breathing,” Before Leandra could say another word, Bolder was pushing past the forming group huddled around her. He ripped of his gloves and kneeled next to her. “If only barely.”

“I know a spell that might help---” He raced to say, “Does anyone have any lyrium potions?!”

Bethany crouched next to Nadine as she dug into her bag, “I only have half left--” She said. Bolder grabbed it without a moment's hesitation and popped the cork off. 

She didn’t want this. 

Bethany took her hand, her own face growing paler at how _cold_ Nadine felt. A second later, a sense of calm washed over her body. Every scratch of cut felt like it was being knit back together. She could take a deep breath and not feel it burn at the same time. 

She blinked and tried to lean forward but was quickly hit with a wave of nausea. 

“I’m not an _actual_ healer, take it easy,” Bolder said, “That was just... a backwards entropy spell, of sorts. You’re still injured, just not _teetering_ on the edge of death.”

“What?!” Bethany snapped, “Entropy? Are you mad? You should have told me, at least I know--”

“Can she stand?” Aveline asked. Wesley was clutching his side next to her, growing paler by the second. “We can’t stay here for long. Especially not _arguing._ ”

Aveline looked over her shoulder, on guard for another wave of darkspawn. Nadine took a deep breath. She’s not dead. They had to keep moving. “Yeah, someone--help me up.” She said through a wheeze.

Bethany shot Bolder a look before she put her arm under Nadine’s side. Nadine bit her tongue as she struggled up, leaning more into Bethany than she’d like. Bolder took a step back, putting his gloves back on with a hint of guilt etched into his face. 

_“Thank the maker--”_ She heard Carver whisper under his breath. 

“So, I’m...fine?” Nadine furrowed her eyebrows, why did something feel wrong? Broken ribs, most definitely--a punctured lung? Maybe-- “Do I look alright?”

“Worried about your looks in a time like this?” Hawke mused, but even _his_ voice wavered. It looked like it almost pained him to look at her. Nadine was abruptly aware that he had been silent until then. “You’re not the prettiest princess at the ball, but--”

“That’s not what I meant,” She hissed. Bethany narrowed her eyes and looked over Nadine’s body. Bolder started rattling off about his makeshift spell, saying that he healed her with the last of his mana. But everything he said faded from her mind with each word he spoke. She furrowed her eyebrows as she remembered _how_ she was dragged up into the air. 

_The pop sound._

“Bolder.” Her voice was panicked. 

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

She could move her fingers on her right side, but not on her left. Maybe healing magi _c could fix it, right maybe---_

“My arm. I can’t. I can’t feel my _arm.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello this chapter is brought to you by me actually double checking what chapter this is


	11. With doubt in our minds

The oceans waves pushed and pulled at each boat that was docked at Gwaren. The morning air felt clean, but it smelled of salt and sex. As seagulls flew overhead of the port city, more people filled the pier. Everyone had something they lost, or something they were trying to replace. The future was questionable, and Nadine could only wonder if hers was worth it.

Up on a cliff far above all the panicking people desperately trying to get onto any ship that would take them, was Nadine. The cliff she found solitude on was something most people missed, and the path up to it even more so. Still, her eyes felt empty as she stared at everyone below. Elves, humans, and dwarves colored her vision, but nothing felt like a fairy tail anymore. To be fair, it never really did.

“There you are,” 

Footsteps that sunk into the damp grass stopped right behind her. She could feel the slight chill of his shadow covering her.

“I wasn’t hiding,” 

With a nod that went unnoticed by Nadine, he sat down next to her. “I never said you were,” He replied. He let his legs relax in front of him as he leaned back to stare at the sky. “Bethany wants to get another look at your arm.”

Nadine brought her knees closer to her chest. Her left arm was pulled into a cloth sling, hidden under her cloak. Even though her frail limb was out of sight, the pain on her face showed with every breath she took. “She’s overexerting herself, she needs rest just like the rest of us.” 

Garrett shrugged. “She’s a big girl, she can decide that for herself.”

Nadine rested her cheek on her knees as she looked at him. A new scar raced across his nose bridge, and the morning sun had no problem with bringing it to light. It looked painful, like a pimple that had been scratched at and made worse. Nadine had no doubt that he hid more injuries. 

“Are you... feeling alright?” Hawke spoke slowly. Nadine found it hard to look at him, but she bit down the despair brewing in her head.

“...I think the problem is that I’m _not_ feeling.” She said with a quirked lip. Hawke laughed, finally letting some of the stress of the past twenty four hours off his shoulders. He fell back into the grass, tired of sitting.

“Oh, so we can make jokes about it?” He said, “ _Maker_ , that’s a relief.”

She let out a slight laugh herself before closing her eyes. “It’s nerve damage.” She tried to focus on the sound of the waves. “I don’t think it’s something Bethany can fix.”

A second passed before Garrett knew what to say. “Nerve damage, are you sure?”

“My dad was a... he was a healer that specialized in this sort of thing. When I lived at home he rambled about nearly everything that passed through his head. What I’m feeling, how it happened, it all points to it. I could be wrong, and I’m really hoping I am, but..” She swallowed hard and focus on the sound of waves again. “I just don’t want Bethany to think she needs to fix this. It’s a lot.” 

_I’m a lot,_ is what she wanted to say.

Garrett watched her face and was filled with questions to ask, but had no way of knowing how to ask them. 

“...Anyways, when are you leaving?” She asked. Garrett took a second to respond when he realized that she was looking at him.

“We caught word that another boat is coming into tonight for a brief stop.” He said, “We’re planning on getting on it. Heard it’s a straight shot to Kirkwall”

Nadine was relieved, at least she didn’t somehow screw _that_ up for them. “It’ll be crowded. Kirkwall that is,” She said, “But I think you’ll settle in fine, the selling point for me was always the lack of dirt and, uh, dogs.”

“Ah, a fabled cat person,” Hawke hummed, “I guess you can’t wait to get back home then?”

Nadine blinked. “Home?”

“...Yes,” Hawke drawled, “You’re traveling with us, aren’t you? Tantervale is close enough to Kirkwall, you can stay with us while you recover.”

She sputtered, “I mean, uh, thank you, really--but, ah--” She exhaled, “Rivain, I’m going to Rivain! Already talked with Bolder--he’s going to Antiva but we--”

“You can’t be serious,” Garrett sat back up and looked at her like she was crazy, “Half of the ships claiming to go to Rivain go to _Tevinter_.”

“Do I _look_ stupid?” She asked, and for once Nadine sounded truly offended. The calm aura that settled between the two was gone, and in its place was rising tensions and a sudden wall that Hawke didn’t predict. 

Nadine heard the whispers in the Tavern in Lothering and in Gwaren, and even then she could come to her own conclusions based on simple geography. “I just...I can’t go to the Free Marches, okay?”

Hawke scoffed. “Do you have a bounty on your head I should worry about?” It sounded like he could be joking, but there was malice behind his words. Everything was getting to him and he knew it. He rubbed his face and let out a heavy breath. With that he got up, knowing that he wouldn’t say anything to quell the tensions.

“....Please, just reconsider. You know we’re I’ll be.”

Then he was gone, leaving Nadine back to her self induced isolation. She didn’t know why she snapped at him, but she didn’t care enough to try and figure out why. She had too much on her plate, if she wanted to talk to someone she would have sought them out. But she didn’t and she refused to feel bad about it. As if she needed to add to the ever growing pile of why she felt horrible.

She glanced at her arm. She couldn’t hold her sword long enough without losing her balance, and even when she could for a _second_ pain word flair up making her lose focus. It wasn’t like anyone was going to let her fight anyways. She felt herself grow angry at the word. 

_‘Let’_

There was too much behind that word. She groaned and rubbed at her eyes. 

> She didn’t know how she stayed conscious long enough to meet Flemeth. She remembered a lot of pain, a lot of dizzy spells and nausea. But once the shadow of a dragon overtook her, it was like for a moment things were clear. A little bit of hope.
> 
> _“Turning into a dragon seems helpful.” Hawke’s voice was ravaged with exhaustion. Blood from his daggers dripped into the thirsty ground, leaving a clear trail up the mountain that lead to him. Flemeth, with her golden eyes, smiled._
> 
> _“That it is.” She said, but then her eyes landed on Nadine. Nadine leaned on Bolder, holding back every wince that she felt. “But I never thought I’d be surprised over what I’d fined up here. Perhaps it truly was fate and not chance.”_
> 
> _She took a step towards Nadine and was met with everyone drawing their weapons. The old woman chuckled while Nadine could only stare at her. Nadine was scared--no, terrified. “Oh, how you made yourself at home. You settled in quiet nicely, haven’t you?” She said. “You were lucky enough to make it out of the forest without my guidance. I thought you dead.”_
> 
> _“You... know me? Did_ **_you_ ** _take me from my home--my life? Are you the reason I’m in this mess in the first place?!” Nadine instantly blurted out. She wanted to take a step towards Flemeth, but she could barely take a step without stumbling. Bolder held her arm just a little tighter._
> 
> _“So very defensive! No, I am not the reason for your being here. But I wonder--how much longer will you survive? Will your loss of a limb be the end of you? Only you can decide that.” She said, “But the same could be said for the rest of your group. What will you all do now?”_

More proof that she wasn’t some hero or the secret key to fix every little problem in Thedas. She got the closest she’d ever get to talking to a living _god_ , and even she had no answers. She was just someone who’d cause Nadine more problems in the future. 

With a huff Nadine got up. She didn’t make it this far to wallow _._ She wouldn’t let escaping Lothering, losing her home, _losing Rufus,_ ** _losing her arm, losing her---_**

Nadine reminded herself to breathe.

She had to focus. She couldn’t let everything she’d lost so far be for nothing. She had to plan, she had to look forward even if she really didn’t want to. The world was finally opening up to her, even if she’d prefer it happened differently. 

Gwarn was full of people selling the clothing off their backs at every corner. Anything to get enough gold to get onto a boat. Nadine glanced at the sword on her hip, it was useless for her now. The shield was just an added weight to her back that she couldn’t even use. Maybe she could strap it to her arm, but the thought made her wince. Perhaps it _would_ be best to sell what she could.

She paused and wondered she was thinking, she couldn’t give up her _sword_. Her shield, maybe, but that sword was the closet thing she had to home. Her real home.

_“Oh, you scrangy little--”_

Children hiding behind their mothers dresses laughed and pointed, while ship captains and soldiers rolled their eyes. Bolder darted through the crowds on the docks in hot pursuit of a cat with an all too familiar purple coin pouch in its mouth. 

Before Nadine realized it, the mangy cat was right behind Nadine’s legs. Even with fleas jumping from its fur and the stench of garbage that followed it, the cat looked _smug_ as it found safety behind Nadine.

“Blacksmith! Grab that furball, would you?!” Bolder yelled as he ran towards her. He was positively exhausted. She tried not to smile as the people around them laughed at the sight.

Nadine bent down and offered the cat a hand to sniff. It wasn’t as feral as it looked as immediately rubbing up against Nadine. It dropped the pouch at her feet and leaned into getting pet as Nadine smiled.

Nadine went to pick up the pouch with her free hand before remembering that that wasn’t possible anymore. 

The cat itself must have been a Havana brown, just like Alke was. Its ears were just a bit too big and its coat was a shade of light brown. Well, Nadine assumed it to be a light brown. Unfortunately the cat was covered in dirt and dried blood, so she was aware that she could be wrong. Though his milky left eye caught most of her attention. 

It must be an old cat if it had cataracts.

“....Alke?” 

The cat tilted its head and flattened an ear, looking at Nadine with a confused look. 

“I guess that would be too convenient, wouldn’t it?” She said with a sigh. Still, she rubbed the cats chin one more time before she picked up the pouch it dropped. “Still, thank you for making me laugh. Bolder makes for a pretty bad rouge, doesn’t he?”

Bolder was right in front of her with his hands on his knees while he tried to catch his breath.

“That damn cat stole nearly all of my sovereigns! Greedy little thing.”

Nadine smile and tossed him the pouch. “We’re all falling on hard times, even cats.” Her voice sounded more carefree than she felt. 

“Don’t tell me it’s yours.” Bolder groaned, “I mean, good on you for training a cat to steal actual coin, but try and keep it away from me, yeah?”

Nadine shook her head, but as if on cue it started purring. “This is the first time I’ve seen a cat since arriving in Ferelden, actually.” She said, “But... if it wants to stay then...”

The cat meowed loudly and Bolder laughed. “You know, most people are stocking up on rations and salves. Not dirty cats.”

“Well, I’m investing in my future moral.” Nadine stood back up, confident in the fact that the cat would follow. She would pick her up, but she didn’t want to get flees on _everything._ “Anyways, when are we leaving?”

Bolder glanced around, but was it was clear that he was trying his best not to look at Nadine. “About that, are you _sure_ about heading to Antiva with me?” 

Nadine blinked. “I’ve always wanted to go to Antiva, and Rivain is pretty close.” She said, “I’m fluent in Anvtian and Rivaini, you’re going to want me around.”

Bolder scratched his jaw. “ _Yeah_ , that’s what I meant.”

“...Sorry?”

“The closer you get to Rivain, the more vints’ start stalking around. My plan is to catch a ship to Nevarra and go on _horse back_ to Antiva. We’ll still face the chance of getting captured, but it at least gives us a fighting chance instead of being put in chains the moment we get on a boat.”

Nadine felt her heart drop. “Is it really...that bad?”

Bolder nodded. “With the blight suffocating Ferelden, slavers are out in full force. Normally catching a ship to Anvita of all places wouldn’t be _too_ bad if you knew what the red flags are, but I’d rather not risk it. I have a lot of work on my shoulders that I can’t risk losing.”

She didn’t know if she could handle a travel that long. Given that she could barely even fight, it...it didn’t seem like things were going to turn in her favor. 

“At least until you’ve recovered a bit...maybe you should go back to Tantervale. I’m not saying you’re weak, but you need some sort of... care plan? Get a real healer to look at your arm. Don’t put yourself in any more unnecessary pain.”

Nadine looked at the port. Another ship came in and everyone was looking at it with eyes filled to the brim with hope that maybe _that_ one will be a little cheaper or the captain a little kinder. The more she looked, the more gaps she saw. A family with a father but no mother. A teenager older a baby humming a lullaby that held more memories than the scars that covered them. _None of this was necessary. None of it._

Nadine would be a burden on Bolder, it was clear from day one. She felt stupid for not seeing it sooner. 

“I’m sorry, blacksmith. I wish we could have stayed together longer.” He offered a smile, but it felt too sad for her to return. Even hearing the word ‘blacksmith’ made her feel guilty. 

“I understand. No hard feelings, really.” She said, but before another moment passed she had to know something. “...But do you mind if I ask a quick question?”

“Oh? Yeah, of course. Least I could do.”

“What... _do_ you do? Don’t just say ‘things’.” Nadine asked. “Or ‘stuff’ or saying ‘you know’ and then winking? I can’t handle you winking right now.”

Bolder looked slightly offended but glanced around. The chaos that followed him minutes ago was gone. Everyone too busy with their own problems once again. “Mages’ collective.” He said through a whisper. “Running around delivering letters the chantry rather see burned, destroying phylacteries being hauled around, you know--the stuff you don’t want to be associated with.”

“If things were different, that’s the exactly the kind of stuff I’d rather be doing. Important stuff.” She said. “Thank you Bolder, for telling me.”

“The important stuff, huh? Once things settle down, I’ll see what I can throw your way in the Marches. Maker knows how bad it is over there.” He offered a grin. Nadine didn’t like how his voice sounded. She already said goodbye to him once when it didn’t matter as much, when it didn’t feel like the world was closing in around her. 

He pulled her into a hug, and she couldn’t help but rest her chin on his shoulder. She didn’t want to let go, but expecting someone to be around forever was foolish. 

She missed being foolish. 

“I’ll see you around, blacksmith.” 

“Yeah. You too, Bolder.”

* * *

Shades of orange and purple colored the sky and tinted the sea. Gwaren looked like a painting as the sun began to set. The docks weren’t as crowded as they once were, but the sense of urgency and anxiety that clawed at the port city didn’t. Nadine hummed as she picked the fleas off Ioke’s face.

Nadine never had the chance to name an animal before. When she adopted Alke she couldn’t bring herself to change his name. It fit him too well after she did a little googling and a quick _(It was not quick at all)_ reading of The Iliad. 

Seeing as she found Ioke while she was in pursuit, the name only made sense. They both escaped death, the both survived, and they both needed each other. 

Ioke wasn’t Alke, but Nadine wasn’t looking for a replacement.

The oceans waves swayed the creaking boats and as if only for a moment, things were just as normal as always. A cat purring and Nadine getting lost in her thoughts. Though, as she sat on some unlabeled cargo, with a sword that she couldn’t use and a shield that was useless, she wondered if things would ever be normal again. Would the rest of Thedas feel like Lothering? Would she manged to get through the day ignoring that none of it was supposed to be real in the first place? She felt different. _Everything_ felt different.

“Nadine?” 

She looked up from Ioke to see the Hawkes and Aveline. All with nearly empty bags on their backs and fatigue wearying at their bones. She noticed how Carver wasn’t even looking at her, and how Aveline looked like she wanted to say something but couldn’t. Garrett looked surprised to even see her there, let alone looking like she was _waiting._

“Did you miss your boat to Antiva?” Bethany asked while she glanced around the docks. “Where’s Bolder?”

“Guess I was feeling a bit more homesick than I lead on.” She offered a small smile, but even she couldn’t meet their eyes. “Do you think they’ll let me on?”

“Depends,” Hawke said, “Are you a good liar?”

Nadine laughed.

“I’d say I’m getting better at it.”


	12. Sketchy on the Details

You'd always be cast in shadows regardless of where you stood in Kirkwall. The Gallows showcased that with pride. Their statues were sculpted from gold and towered so high you couldn’t even see the top, but their chains dangeled so low you had to consciously avoid bumping your head. 

That is, if you even had the chance to see them. Their boat was not the first that made it through the Waking Sea, and it wouldn’t be the last. The boat ride itself was horrid. It was filled with crying children, hungry families, and an _unforgettable_ stench. In all honesty, Nadine was lucky that no one tried to eat Ioke. Not that she could blame anyone for the actions they’d be forced to take in such a trying time. She just preferred her cat alive. 

Not a single ounce of sleep lent itself to her during her trip. She doubted that it would have been worth it even if it did. Nightmares clung to her brain like a permanent migraine, lingering behind her eyes threatening her with every blink she took. While she was awake her mind was busy figuring out how she’d make it in Kirkwall. She had skills as a blacksmith, but there was no doubt that there were other refugees that were better. Even then, that was no ticket into the city.

So she kept her ears open. 

She had a feeling that Garrett and Carver where going to choose the Red Irons when it came down to it. Even though Garrett was a rouge, he tended to prefer the more... direct approach. Nadine wondered if Bethany being around would change that, but their wilting patience was showing through. They wanted a clear cut job, one that was straight to the point. That left her with an opportunity. 

“Nadine,”

Nadine hummed as she took a bite into her apple. It was way too squishy and bruised, but it wasn’t like she was in any position to be picky. Her eyes drifted up to see Aveline leaning against the same wall as her. 

“Yes, Serah Aveline?” Aveline’s face twisted up, but it only made Nadine crack a small smile. “You’re going to have to get used to _, uh,_ that. Or would you prefer Messere? I can see that happening.”

“I’m surprised I didn’t hear your accent earlier, I thought I heard Hawke mention you were from Tantervale.” Aveline voice was direct, but it was clear that she was trying to figure out how to navigate around Nadine. “No wonder you seem... right at home.”

Nadine did grow up in a city, but it wasn’t anything like Kirkwall. “I’m just glad to be away from the blight. How about you? You’re Ferelden inside and out, no doubt this is harder for you.”

“A sentiment we can all share. It will be difficult, but what hasn't?” Aveline said. “We just made it past the first hurdle, but I’m prepared for more.”

Nadine took another bite of her apple, be it from hunger or needing another second to think. “There will _definitely_ be more.” She said. “But at least we have an idea of what to expect. I heard a rumor of a job... opening that I might be good at. I’m betting on that being my ticket into the city.”

Aveline furrowed her eyebrows. “Have you no family that could travel to Kirkwall? Even a simple family name could get you past the guards since you were born in the Marches yourself.”

The only thing left of the apple was its core. Nadine frowned. “I... may not have left on as good of terms as I led on.” She tossed the core onto the ground near a pile of trash, which there was in nearly every corner of the gallows. “I actually left home when I was eighteen. I’ve always wanted to make a real name for myself. Nothing big, but something that was really _mine,_ you know?”

In her eyes showed a slight expression of pride, like she was remembering the day when she built up her courage and just... left. If she could start new back then, then she could do it again. Even if she had to bite back twice the pain. 

“You’re an interesting woman, Nadine.”

Nadine felt heat rise to her face, inwardly cursing at herself for saying so much. She ficked a strand of hair behind her ears and pointedly avoided looking at Aveline. “Oh, uh, thank you? I mean--look at you! You’re like a brick wall-- _I mean that in the good way_ \--like nothing can move you. And uh,--” When she looked at Aveline she saw her trying to bite back a smile. Nadine sputtered before she put her head in her hand and groaned. “I mean, right back at you?” 

“Don’t worry, your rambling is endearing.” Aveline replied, though Nadine greatly disagreed. It was just embarrassing. Still, Nadine glanced another group of refugees arrive and realized that she spent enough time lazying around. 

“---Anyways, I have a long day a head of me. See you later?” Nadine pushed herself away from the wall. As she walked away she gave Aveline a brief wave. The soldier watched as Nadine’s cloak fluttered behind her, wondering if Nadine knew of the blood stains and burned seams that covered it.

It was slightly unsettling how even leather boots could cause an echo in the gallows. Nadine grew too used to the dirt paths and damp grass of Ferelden. She had to watch herself carefully. Perhaps a shadow specialization book would be a good investment, that is, once she finished her current one.

Her eyes scanned the area. Weapon and clothing stands linned the way, with personal guards stationed at each one. Each merchant behind them either sneered at everyFerelden behind their back, or grinned when the bought their items for a single copper. It was worse than Gwaren. Then it was mutual, with everyone needing something. In Kirkwall it was just a robbery with the illusion of kindness.

“Hello Serah, what can I do for you?” 

Nadine blinked as the voice sounded somehow familiar in the very back of her mind. When the area around them came together, with the guards covering their faces and the sniveling expression on the merchant face, she felt relieved. 

_This is it,_ she thought as she slightly bowed of her head. The mans name was Cavril. She didn’t remember him from the game, but she heard of him through the tired complaints of other Fereldens’. 

_Alright, just do what Hawke would do. Or Aveline. Right, I remember how Aveline handled this. Come on brain. Come on, we can do this._

She focused carefully on what she would say next. “I was looking to sell my shield, but would mind if I asked you a question first Messere?”

“Ah, you don’t sound like a Ferelden,” His demeanor changed, looking at Nadine like she was something above trash. His guards also looked a bit more at ease. Nadine offered a polite smiled again. “Ask away.” He said.

She just had to be _absolutely_ sure.

“I heard a rumour that you owe some money to your business partner, that wouldn’t be true--would it?” As a nervous expression appeared on his face, the hidden dagger she had in her belt loop was already in her hand. Though the guards couldn’t see it from the shadows of her cloak, they both took a step forward.

Cavril raised a hand to call them off, and they did as they were told. “Athenril sent you to collect, did she? Too _cowardly_ to do it herself.” He questioned. “I can give you a better deal, name your price.”

For a second, Nadine considered it. But Cavril would _much_ more dangerous then Athenril. She could be dangerous, but even she had morals. 

...

Didn’t she?

Everyone needed money. Briefly she wondered if Cavril had a sick wife at home, or children who needed schooling, or maybe _he was in debt, or what if he had a friend who was dying, or what if---_

No, she _had_ to get out of the Gallows. Nadine made a plan and she was going to follow it through. That’s what she’d always done. Make a plan and stick with it, no matter what. 

The simple dagger that Nadine once made was at his throat before his guards could react. She never used to before, it always being hidden in her boot being saved for a last resort. But she knew that intent mattered more than experience in some cases. 

“Here’s your choice,” She didn’t sound like herself, but she forced each word out regardless. “You pay, or you leave here with less blood in your body than you came here with. _Guards_ included.”

His eyes widened as one of his guards let out an offended _but_ slightly bored sounding _‘hey!’_ She was glad that the waver in her voice wasn’t obvious. 

He was able to get a good look at Nadine while he was forced to make a quick decision. Her hair was long and tangled with dried blood and dirt speckled about. Her stance spoke of a warrior, and the look in her eyes said that she was desperate. 

Desperation, fatigue, and a _knife_ was a dangerous combination. One he’d seen enough that day to know the outcome. She already had the jump on him, he doubted it would end as well as it had for him in the past. 

It wasn’t like Athenril took people in because of _pity_ either. 

“J-just take whats in the chest, just take it all!” He said with a yelp. Nadine pushed back the urge to apologize out of pure habit. She put the dagger back behind her cloak, but still in close reach if needed. As she kicked opened the chest and snatched all the coin inside, Carvil was rubbing his temples muttering about his bad luck. 

“Now I’m getting out of here, let those guards find dogland _junk.”_ He said as he left the gallows with his guards in toe. A few other refugees quickly swarmed the place, getting back their items and then some.

Once he was gone, she couldn’t help it--she smiled. She covered her mouth with her hand, but the effect was all the same. She rehearsed those lines over and over again before working up the nerve to actually _do_ it. It could have been the anxiety turning into slight hysteria, but Nadine felt overjoyed. 

She could survive. She could make it. Even though it felt wrong and this wasn’t what she ever wanted to do, she had a chance. 

Another shock of pain raced down her arm.

Just as she was about to search for Athenril, Hawke and company walked to the staircase lined with city guards. The entire family looked like they’d been pushed to their limits and then some. Their hair was greasy and clothing dirty, with hunger starting to truly set it. Despite it all, Galmen didn’t hesitate to pull his sister into a hug. 

As the family spoke, Aveline quirked an eyebrow at Nadine. It was then Nadine noticed she had been staring. She tilted her head to the group to motion Nadine to come over, but then was surprised to see a refugee thank Nadine.

Nadine offered Aveline a slight bowed head before turning to find her own way into Kirkwall, while she attempted to avoid getting pulled into some conversation. 

The courtyard wasn’t that big, and Nadine found Athentril despite the buzzing flies and stink of litter. In a rather secluded place stood Anthentril with two other elves. The dark area was warmed by two single wall lights, though even they were starting to burning less and less.

As she came close, the two elves eyes were on her before she said a word. Athentril’s ginger hair looked closer to a brown and her dark makeup was heavily smeared. Still, there was a look to her that urged most people to turn the other way. 

It also helped that she was wearing a full set of armor and her entourage had weapons that could kill Nadine before she took another step.

“Oh, uh, Athentril, was it?” Nadine spoke before getting to close. “I think I found something you’d like back.”

“Is that so?” Athentrill folded her eyes as she looked at Nadine up and down. She tilted her head lightly, looking as if she was a tiny bit intrigued. 

“I heard a rumor that Cavril hadn’t kept up his side of the deal.” She said. “I thought this would be a good way for me to get in, a, uh, interview.”

Athentril smirked almost imperceptibly, and the two elves glanced at her wondering what she’d say next. “You must know how to sniff out a good lead. Just when I arrive down here, you already had my business _done_ for me. What exactly do you want?”

Nadine swallowed hard, trying to hold on to that last bit of confidence. “What you were already offering. A way into the city in exchange for work.” Nadine shrugged off her bag and took out the pouch of Carvils coin. “I heard you’re not killers or slavers. That’s enough for me, honestly. I know how to fight--couldn’t have made it out of Ferelden if I didn’t.”

Nadine was hoping the pain she was feeling wasn’t translating to her face.

Then she tossed it to the elf, which she easy caught. She bounced the bag in her palm, guessing its weight. She looked pleased and tossed the bag to one of her employees. “You seem like you have half a mind. What’s your name?”

“Nadine.”

Athentril quirked an eyebrow.

“...Grimshaw.”

“Alright _Grimshaw,_ you get the same offer I was going to give to that other refugee. One year of servitude, and you do as I say no question.” Her tone was final, and Nadine respected that. 

Nadine couldn’t handle it and let out a sigh of relief. “Yes--no questions. Can do.”

“Good. This is better anyways, getting one person in is _leagues_ cheaper than an entire family.” She rolled her eyes at the potential headache she almost had, “Now follow me, this place stinks more than darktown.”

Nadine followed her and her... friends _(bodyguards, colleagues? She didn’t know how a smuggler hierarchy worked.)_ up to the guards, but she didn’t stop. Athentril gave them a brief nod when they looked at Nadine and turned the other cheek. Next to them sitting on the stairs was Gamlen, looking rather shocked to see Athentril back so soon, and with someone who wasn’t his family. He jumped to his feet.

“Athentril--I thought we had an agreement?” He raced to say. “I told you all about how good--”

She rolled her eyes. “They weren’t fast enough, you better start finding out how you’re going to pay me _back._ And fast.”

Gamlen glared at Nadine. She hoped things weren’t going to be too awkward. It wasn’t like Hawke wanted the job anyways. “You---I know you,” He said, “Leandra mentioned some daft blacksmith who travel with them--”

“Oh, I’m not a blacksmith, I _was_ an apprentice though.” Nadine said with a smile, even if her expression was clearly forced. “And I am close with the Hawkes, I suppose this won’t be the last time we see each other. Have a nice day, _Serah_.”

With that, Nadine left the gallows following Athentril. All the while she was trying not to puke from the panic attack rattling her bones. She wondered if Bolder was having a better time than she was. As she fiddled with the heating rune in her pocket, she could only hope. 


	13. Tangled Spindleweed

The first tip Nadine got from one of her many roommates was that if she put her bedroll by the fireplace, then the disgusting smell of garbage signature to darktown would fade. She was thankful for that, even if she got little sleep regardless. Their little shack was filled to the brim with bedrolls, six including Nadine’s. There was only one main room and a single bathroom, but it was more than most people had. 

It reminded her of when she lived at home with her siblings, constantly kicking her younger siblings out of her room or escaping to the park just to get a few minutes of peace. She looked forward to every trip her parents took or any camp her siblings attended during the summer, always begging to stay at home alone.

She’d never feel that way again, that was for certain. Being alone made her chest tight without giving her a single sign of why, but being in crowds made her throat burn and hands shake. She was stuck.

Ioke jumped down from her lap, off to do his own rounds around darktown. Having an outdoor cat worried Nadine to no end, but she had no time to train him otherwise. It wasn’t like there was much for him to do inside anyways.

Nadine took a sharp breath, stifling her lower lip as pain raced through her again. It would always start from her neck as a mind blurring stinging feeling. Sometimes it was like being burned, a hand shoving her down on a burning stove top. She’d grown used to the constant pain in a way, chewing on wilted elfroot and sipping the single healing potion she had on her sparingly. 

_‘Grown used to’_ That made her laugh. It had only been two nights since getting past the chains that bound the city. At first it must have been some sort of shock, the innate human desire to survive that pushed her. Bethany's single healing spell helped dull the worst of it. Nadine couldn’t compare magic to modern medicine no matter how she tried. 

She exhaled and closed her else, trying to will herself back to the present. Her book was still lying open on her lap with more things to teach. If one good thing happened during the horror of outrunning the blight, it was that the manual made it out of Ferelden unscathed. It was useful with all of the sleepless night she had, giving her something to focus on that wasn’t her racing panicking thoughts. 

“You weren’t hired to laze around, _shem._ ”

Hawen. She was one of the elves that was with Athenril in the gallows. Her eyes matched the sandstone that Kirkwall was built upon, and despite living in the poorest part of the city her skin reminded Nadine of a rich mahogany. She wore layers upon layers of clothing, with more pouches attached to her hips and legs than Nadine thought possible. 

Nadine jumped and fumbled with her book. How Hawen could never make a sound no matter where she went, Nadine really wanted to know. It seemed useful. 

“I know what that is, you think I haven’t gone through all of your stuff already?” She said with a raised eyebrow. There was a hint of humor in her voice, but Nadine failed to see what was funny.

Nadine turned her body to Hawen slowly, half from pain and half from the feeling of impending doom. “S-So you did...” She muttered.

“I needed to make sure who I was going to be overseeing. I don’t really care for spirit bullshit, but everything has its uses. It’s weird that you write in Tevene though, _might_ want to cut that out before someone else sees.” 

Nadine swallowed hard as she went to put her book in her chest. 

Of course she picked a book up on spirits. No wonder she had a hard time finding that word in any other book. Just her luck, really. It was meditation heavy with more pre-sleep rituals than she could count on her hands, she was surprised she couldn’t come to that conclusion on her own. It was all so a non-mage could interact with the fade.

But that only frustrated her more. She _knew_ she was following the rituals and meditations right, each out come matched what the book described. So why did nothing answer her calls when she was at her most desperate? 

“That is a relief,” Nadine said. She started putting her boots on trying to seem nonchalant. “Most people even hear the word ‘magic’ and scream demons or maleficarum.”

Then Hawen laughed. It felt like it could shake the walls as Nadine offered a nervous smile. “Chantry lunatics are all the same,” She said, “Pissing themselves over concepts and words instead of real problems.”

The pond that Nadine was drawn to must have been an example of how the fade could potentially bend to a persons mind. The overwhelming sensation that grew out of hand was just...a physically representation of her feelings and thoughts? 

No, that sounded stupid.

Now she _had_ to do another full re-reading of the book, and maybe find some other reading relating to spirits and the fade. How she would end up doing that in the Free Marches, she had no clue. 

“Anyways, time for you to see your rounds. It’s going to change, obviously--but the docks are where your going to be spending most of your time over the next year.” Hawen said “Or shorter, if you turn out to be an idiot.”

Nadine hid back a grimace and adjusted her splint before heading out with Hawen. 

Darktown smelled like shit. Refugees overwhelmed every corner and rats scurried about in every shadow. People with dirt covered faces and painful sores stared at Nadine and Hawen as they walked up the broken stair cases. _They_ were walking somewhere with a purpose. 

For once, everyone was looking at her like _she_ belonged and not them.

She had to remember every hidden path and shady back alleyway they took. Even if it almost made her dizzy. Hawen would mention how much faster certain paths would be depending on where you needed to get. Nadine’s attention would be caught failing when she would focus on Hawen instead. Their gaze upon strangers was strong, but careful enough to never linger too long. Only lasting long enough to let the other people know they’d been seen, but there was no dangerous intention unless provoked. 

Nadine needed a look like that of her own. 

Oh, if only Nadine’s mother could see her now. 

“There’s the tavern,” Hawen said, “Cheap drinks, but annoy the barmaids and they’ll serve you piss instead of beer.”

Nadine’s eyes fell from the hanged statue to the entrance. The tin double doors were covered in rust and possibly had traces of vomit, with circular windows carved into them. She could hear chatter from inside, despite it still being early in the morning. The embers in the metal bowl connected to the wall was burning low, it too being tired from the past night.

As Hawen went onto say something else, one of the tin doors opened. Her eyes fell even lower to catch a glimpse of the patron leaving. A dwarf, Nadine realized, not that it was the first time she’d seen one.

He had freshly washed hair, something that anyone could pick out of a crowd after spending a single day in the slums. Half of his blonde hair was pulled back, showing off his hooded eyes and the stubble that covered his jaw.

The sea of beige and grey of Kirkwall made his red shirt with golden embroidery catch Nadine’s eye. He wore a brown leather coat, yes, but it did little to draw away the attention around himself. When her attention turned back to Hawen, she noticed that the elf didn’t even spare a glance at Varric.

Nadine paused. 

That was _Varric._

He was rather...handsome, wasn’t he?

_Wait, no._

Nadine pushed out every single thought of him, or in fact _anything_ not related to work. Think about him for too long, even if it started as something simple like how good he looked in real life, then she’d get wrapped up in her internal crises of the entire fate of Kirkwall. Funny how that worked. 

She needed to focus on trying to get through the day. “Probably taste the same.” Nadine said, and she could see the corners of Hawen’s lips twitch. 

The push and pull of the docks weren’t as peaceful as she’d imagine. It only made Nadine’s stomach turn. It made her legs shake, urging her that she needed to run for some reason she didn’t know. Off in the distance she could see the gallows, and the circle tower trapped around it. 

She could feel her heart in her chest. 

It tore all of her attention away from the shady dealings going on around her. With every pirate barking orders at their people, to a stow away making a mad dash for their lives with the city guard right on their heals.

“Come on, keep your head down.” Hawen muttered as she grabbed Nadine's free arm and pulled her closer to the shadows of the tan buildings on the docks. “Don’t want them mistaking you for one of them.” 

Nadine was acutely aware that it was possible for her to get thrown back in the gallows with all of the other refugees. She was aware that she was completely at the mercy of the city guard. She was also at the mercy of the templars. And the carta. And the Chantry. And The Coterie.

Nadine wanted to go back to Lothering. Back to the forge, back to _Rufus, back to Bolder, back_ **_to even Ferelden--_ ** ****

She reminded herself to focus on the job. A simple drop off. It wasn’t too different from the busy work Rufus used to give her.

The ventured closer to the water. The waves were loud that day, flooding the lowests parts of the docks. Hawen took her into a warehouse that no doubt had been the host of many other gangs and slavers in the past. It smelled heavy of smoke and salt.

Inside was a scattering of mages. All in cloaks and fabric masks, with hems full of moth eaten holes and burnt seems. Hawen approached them with a false friendliness. If she could grin with a full set of sharp teeth, then her true intent would have been more obvious.

An elven man with long brown hair and thin lips gave Hawen a smile that could rival hers. As if he was saying he could burn her alive with the tilt of his head if he wanted, despite his almost frail looking state. Nadine was glad that she was standing behind Hawen instead of next to her. Nadine had never fought _against_ a mage before, and would rather avoid it for as long as she could. He noticed her apprehension but paid her no mind. 

“Leech!” She said as she roughly patted him on the back. He stumbled forward for a second but caught himself. It looked like it nearly pained him to keep that pleasant look on his face.

“Hawen.” He answered with less enthusiasm. “I take it you have our order.”

She took off one of the pouches she had on her belt with a simple click. It was the second largest bag on her belt, and once she dropped all of the contents onto a rickety desk, Nadine knew why. 

Three glass containers of bright blue lyrium. In the shadows of the warehouse, their magical origin was known. Their faces became tinted with the lyrium’s unnatural hue.

Leech picked one container up and swirled it, looking at it with a inspecting glare. “You have our thanks.” He said. “They typical payment?”

“Of course,” She replied. He motioned for another mage in the corner to come forward. The mage was a human who looked barely fifteen. He had ginger hair and freckles covering his entire face, but was mysteriously missing his pinky finger. He placed a small pouch on the table, to which Hawen picked it up after locking eyes with him.

Hawen tossed it over her shoulder to Nadine. Nadine was slightly impressed with herself when she caught it.

“Hope it’s what you need.” Hawen said, though her voice showed no compassion. “I heard mana imbalance is a _horrible_ illness. You can always rely on us for future assistance.”

Leech’s face twisted into one of displeasure. “Yes,” He said with the click of his tongue. “Your _discretion_ is always appreciated.”

Hawen smirked before nodding at Nadine. “Come on Grimshaw, day isn’t over yet.”

Hawen lead her throughout Kirkwall, even through hightown and up to the Viscount keep. She spoke of pathways needing to be memorized and people to watch out for. She told Nadine small bits of information on the ‘clients’ she’d be working with, but it slowly turned into idle gossip over time. Nadine felt a carefree smile almost appear on her face after not to long.

The day ended with them saying their goodbyes in the forgotten twists and turns of darktown. The final tip that Hawen gave her was the easiest way to get to the mountains without a single guard knowing you left the city.

With the influx of refugees, everything had become more regulated. Each step a ‘commoner’ took was done with a watchful eye.

“ _Spindleweed grows by the water, don’t need to be an alchemist to put it in your tea. Helps pain.”_

A polite thank you, a shrug of the shoulders, and they parted ways. Hawen no doubt to report back to Athenril, and Nadine taking the word of advice and traveling to the coast.

You know how after something horrible happens and you wonder how you’re going to live with it? When your mourning and in pain, you don’t think about the next day. You don’t think about grocery shopping or doing the laundry. You think about...nothing. Because for a second if feels like your life ended. 

_How can I eat breakfast when I was in the hospital yesterday?_

Nadine remembered that feeling quiet well. Word for word, actually.

But now it felt like she was stuck in that second. The one where she was dead. The clock kept ticking but time wouldn’t move, or maybe all the numbers on the clock were the exact same. It was that gnawing feeling in her chest, but the cold finality in her fingertips. 

The sand slipped into her boots as she sat on the coast. 

She couldn’t find any spindleweed.

The waking sea wasn’t the river that carved itself through Lothering, it didn’t have the dirt that sang songs of a heavy sun, or memories of comfort it held. But it was real. The water was cold, sending a shiver down her spine as she struggled to clean the dirt under her fingernails. It was quiet but heard. It was much bigger and easier to get lost in. Deep enough that if she drowned then her body wouldn’t be found. 

She quickly dashed away that morbid thought. She went to therapy for years, she reminded herself, she wasn’t about to let what she learned go to waste. Still, the coast would work. It was quiet enough and well hidden. Tomorrow morning before dawn she’d get back to work. She would continue her training alone, she’d learn how to fight with one arm, she’d find a place for herself again, and she’d wake up tomorrow and the day after.

It wasn’t like she had a choice, anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nadine wasn't actually witting in tevene, but i hc that written tevene looks like actual latin script because...i can? also i dont have the exiled prince dlc, so if your a fan of Sebastian you're going to be mildly disappointed over his lacking presence in the story. he'll just be in the background chillin you know? just picture him with an ice cream cone and some cool sunglasses while hawke + company descend into chaos. yeah. perfect. 
> 
> ya'll ready for a time skip after this?
> 
> (we're getting closer to me actually tagging a ship. holy shit its happening.)  
> (also i set up actual reminders to update on friday. will i still forget? probably.)


	14. Nine to Five

**_Eleven Months Later_ **

“You, me, _and_ an audience! This is what its all about!” Carver spoke through a laugh as he cut down bandit after bandit. The hideout was well hidden, the two brothers would give Hubert that. Nothing and no one could hide from their feud driven work ethic, however. 

Just then the backdoor of the hideout was kicked open, unleashing a wave of yelling bandits that came running in with their weapons high in the air. 

“It looks like it isn’t over yet!” Garrett called out as he chucked one of his daggers across the room, finding its target in the forehead of a poor fool who forgot to wear a helmet. Carver rolled his eyes at his brothers need for flare, getting right back to counting ever person he cut down. He was going to beat Garrett’s record by the end of the year even if it killed him.

At their rate, there wouldn’t be enough people left in Kirkwall.

When the last body fell to the ground with a rather excessive amount of stab wounds, the two brothers shared a proud nodd. Both got to work searching every pocket on each corpse without a second thought. While Garrett eyed the boots of one corpse, Carver was raising an eyebrow at the poorly written poetry hidden in another men's pocket. 

“At least Meeran cant take _this_ from us,” Garrett said as he pocketed a coin bag. Unfortunately the boots he was looking to snatch were two sizes to small. 

Carver scrunched his face up and threw the awful poetry on the ground. “Meeran isn’t the type of person who goes after scraps.” He replied. Going from a soldier in the kings army to _this_ , he could feel the bitterness rise. But then the memories started to come back--darkspawn at every turn, seeing _Loghain’s men off in the distance retreat, the blood, the---_

“Always looking on the bright side!” Garrett got up and put his hand on Carver’s shoulder. He offered him a grin, “See, we even got done early today--how about we head home to drop everything off, report to Meeran, and get some drinks?”

As he said the work ‘drinks’ he tossed the coin pouch in the air. Carver glanced around the massacre of bandits one last time before putting his sword on his back.

They definitely earned a drink or two. Maybe even three.

The past few months had been back-breaking to say the least. Living in a glorified shack with their disgrace of an uncle, leaving them to deal with his debt collectors day in and day out, worrying about templars one day showing up at their door, their mother barely able to will herself out of bed, wondering if they had enough coin to _eat._ Well, saying it had been hard would have been an understatement. 

But they were together. That had to count for something. 

The tall buildings that surrounded them and broken tiles the walked on started to feel more like home day after day. The constant buzzing sound of flies, the smell of stagnant water, even the snobbish nobles that couldn’t help but sneer at them. It was home.

“You put in your application to the guard yesterday, is that right?”

Carver nodded. “Though I have a feeling it wont be approved.”

“Why’s that? Don’t tell me you’re starting to doubt yourself now.”

“Ask the guard that has been breathing down out necks this past year.” He replied. 

Garrett made an attempt not to scowl, but Carver beat him to it. He groaned. “It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her to give us space. She intends well, but--” He shook his head. “At least she’s not guard-captain, that’s all I mean.”

Carver laughed, “Don’t say that, with our luck that might actually happen.” 

Garrett hums, “Well, I _could_ see the appeal of having the captain in our pockets. _Oooh_ I wonder if any of her people heard me say that. Want to take bets on how soon she lets that little piece of information slip?”

“Standard twenty silvers?”

“Of course!”

* * *

Bethany Hawke never _liked_ staying in doors all day, but she had to. Well, she wasn’t forced to. But the fear of an accident happening where her magic would be put on full display, or a templar finding her and dragging her to a circle without her family even finding out--that put enough fear in her heart to double check the locks on the door. 

They were lucky to have Lothering when they did, but she never wanted to press her luck. All it took was one person ratting her out. 

So why was she out in darktown alone, where the stakes were undoubtedly higher?

“Where did you say you saw her, serah?”

A boney man with thinning black hair squinted one eye and looked up. “Ahh, Athenril’s people are always where you don’t want ‘em” He rattled out. “There one second, gone the next. Unless you owe some coin--that is. Then they hound you until their patience grows thin and start to beat it out of ya. You know this weird bruise I have on my ankle is because of one of ‘em? Wanna see it? It kinda looks like a nug.”

“I’m so sorry you’ve been facing such trouble, but _where_ did you say you saw her?” Bethany asked with the softest voice she could, offering him a sympathetic smile as well.

“Who?”

The smile was the first thing that disappeared. She tapped her foot and held in a sigh. Nadine was hard enough to get a hold of in Lothering, as small of a village it was. With the bustle of the city and Nadine stopping visiting Bethany for healing, it was almost like she just... disappeared. 

No one claimed to know her, and darktown was too crowded for Bethany to find a single face she recognized. Also, she didn’t know how much longer she could deal with the _smell._

“Nadine.” She spoke with a quick tongue “Long back hair, lots of piercings, fights with a smallsword?"

“Can’t say I’ve ever saw someone like that.”

“You _just_ said that you did.”

“Did I?” 

The glare she gave the sickly man seemed to be enough. 

“Alright, alright!” He took a step back and held up his hands. “I _might_ know who you’re talking about! Every now and again I see her with another one of that damn knife-ears goons!”

“Every now and again? Surely you could elaborate?” She narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Uh--Fridays and Wensdays! Usually in the evenin’!” He sputtered. “Now--if that’s all miss---!”

Bethany gave him a smile that wasn’t even close to convincing, but she was on her way. She couldn’t help herself, she was hungry and annoyed. She was more like _angry,_ but she tried to avoid getting like that. There was no shame in remaining soft, she reminded herself.

Staying in that shack with Gamlen was getting on her nerves. It didn’t exactly _help_ that her brothers relished in their work. She knew they where just happy to be anywhere that wasn’t ‘home’, but that didn’t mean she was supposed to be content doing nothing. If they just let her work with them then she’d be fine! But no, she was an _apostate_ and that meant she always had to hide. 

Sometimes she wondered if she should just give herself up to the circle. At least then they wouldn’t have to worry about having enough food for an extra plate at dinner. Maybe then her family could really flourish without worrying about how they were going to hide her away. Would they sleep better at night, not having to worry about walking up to templars kicking down their door?

It would crush her mother though. It would crush everyone, even _Gamlen._ That sniveling excuse of an uncle.

The least she could do was see if Nadine could throw a job or two her way. There would never be a day where she’d just... wake up without magic. She’d never get to be normal and have a normal life. Smuggling was low profile, and if she went about it the right way then even her brothers wouldn’t find out. She knew that Nadine was doing something, and that sickly man told her enough. 

Bethany always wondered what it was like to live without the curse of magic, but she would find a real use for it yet. 

* * *

“Another break in?” At one point, Aveline would have said that with a sense of surprise and not with another sigh. Oh the joys of living in Kirkwall. 

The viscount keep was slow for once, but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t work to do. Gaurdswoman Brennan gave her a sympathetic smile as she added another paper on the desk. Guards shuffled through with more orders and different complaints by the hour, and usually Aveline was one of them.

Until she was stationed with _desk duty_ for a week. For what reason she had not a single clue. It seemed that Jeven had it out for her since he got the job. She still had no clue on _why_ Ewald stepped down, he was good at his job. It’s not she could as him, as he apparently ran off to Antiva if the rumors were true. 

Though she had a sneaking suspicion they weren’t. 

“At least most people in Kirkwall can’t write. Imagine the paper work then!” Brennan said with a laugh. Aveline couldn’t tell if the woman was joking or just blissfully ignorant.

Aveline rubbed her temples. “Why hasn’t Captain Jeven upped the patrols? We have enough proof without _question_ that it’s necessary.” She asked as she read over the report, though it sounded like she was just asking herself. 

“That’s like asking why we haven’t been hiring more people.” She shrugged, “It's just a bunch of Fereldens.”

It hurt seeing her people be forced to the bottom of the barrel, but all of Kirkwall was her ‘people’ now, she couldn’t be showing a bias. Any ideas of her going back to Ferelden were dashed months ago anyways. It wasn’t like she had anything to go back to. 

“So I might as well throw all of these in the trash according to Jeven?” Her voice turned a tune lower as she glanced at the door to his office. Brennan blinked took a step back, quickly muttering about having to get to her post.

She glanced back at the papers and decided that she was going to have to fix a few things _herself_ . She had not a single problem with that. If there was one thing Aveline was good at, it was making sure things were done _right._

Maybe a drink would get the gears turning. Or at least, a minor break would prevent her from losing her mind at the sight of another written complaint.

* * *

No one would deny that the blight was a tragedy, but if there was any good that came of it, it would be the sudden wave of new people that filtered in and out of the Hanged man at every hour of the day. Colorful stories and tales always walked through those old rusted doors, but during the past few months nearly every drunken spiel that come from someones mouth had some sense of _intrigue_ to it.

It was always better when it came from a drunkard too, because Varric could get away writing it and not worry about getting sued. 

“You’re talkin’ out of your ass!” An human with dark brown hair and a large mole under the corner of his eye said through a poorly contained giggle. It was a group of Athenrils people, a new growing problem in Kirkwall. Rumor was that they even had the Coterie on their toes.

The table usually occupied by sad old men in the corner of the tavern was instead full of laughter and empty glasses. Two humans and one elf, all seemingly celebrating _something_. The elf had much shorter hair and a scar down the side of their ear. Alcohol brought a flush to their cheeks that wouldn’t have been there otherwise.

Varric tried to get a better look at the other human, but it would be a lie to say that he almost missed her.

The amber glow from candles sticks made her dark skin look like something of royalty. The gold piercings on her face looked long thought out, placed exactly where she wanted. Unafraid to show wealth? No, that wasn’t it, there was a _story_ behind that jewelry. Maybe she was a runaway noble, _that_ would be interesting. Her long black hair was pulled into a tight braid, barely hidden in the hood of her cloak. It reminded him of the same style that elves in the alienage wore. 

Another point to her being a more ‘popular‘ co-worker. There was no way she could braid her own hair with her arm in a splint.

“I’m telling the truth!” The human woman laughed as she spoke. “That mistranslated word caused the whole fight! My uncle lost one of his front teeth when the first punch was thrown. I still remember how it flew across the room and landed in my aunts _wine_.”

The table erupted into laughter again. Damn, Varric was too caught up in trying to figure out how to describe her that he missed the story. He was about to get up and buy that table a round of drinks, but it seemed like someone was going to beat him to it.

A younger looking girl, a Ferelden no doubt, entered the bar looking out of place. She had honey colored eyes and a face that looked impossible to ever be upset with. It seemed like she wasn’t used to crowds as her eyes darted around. Once her eyes landed on the bustle of the table in the corner, and more importantly the human woman, she booked it. Thoughts raced in Varric's head--friends, colleagues, _lovers,_ maybe?

“Nadine?” She spoke quietly. The human woman seemed startled to see the girl there but she still offered her a seat, despite the distrustful gaze of her coworkers. Varric mused to himself. Nadine sounded like an Orlesian name, but something told him that the name’s roots had little to due with her actual origins. 

It was then did their conversation turned quiet. _Definitely_ something interesting was happening, but Varric still had a deadline to meet. Also, staring at women across the bar tended to be a bad look, even for him. 

At least he had a name. Maybe he’ll keep an eye out for her later. He gulped down the rest of his drink and tried to get back to work. He didn’t know what cursed him to thinking writing a romance novel was a good idea.

* * *

Nadine felt for Bethany. The feeling of helplessness still bothered Nadine herself, and she had her own life that was dependent on no one. Except maybe her roommates, but she _did_ pay rent. Even if it was late that one time.

“Please Nadine, I’m asking for a favor.” Bethany said as she concluded her request. Both fellow smugglers looked at each other and seemed to be weighing the pros and cons of bringing her to Athenril. She certainly looked capable. A pretty face was more than enough to trick most, and if Nadine would be willing to take her under her wing...

She glanced at her friends and shook her head. A silent conversation happened that Bethany was unaware of. Her two colleagues got up from the table and bid her a good night, as well as reminding her of a job tomorrow. 

Instead Nadine pulled out a letter from one of the pockets on her hip. “You don’t,uh, _well_ \--listen, you don’t want to get tangled up with Athenril. Not with how _you know who_ owes her money.” She was careful not to say his name within an earshot of her friends. It looked like Bethany was about to say something, but instead she furrowed her eyebrows when Nadine handed her an envelope.

“Remember Bolder?” She asked. Bethany nodded. “I’ve been helping him out every now and again. He’s apart of something that you’d be good at. The people he wants me deal with would trust you more. Read that when your alone and burn it after, alright?”

“Thank you,” Bethany was relieved as she pocketed it. 

“Don’t thank me yet.” She replied. The slight energy that she had when she was tipsy was gone and her last sip of ale was in vain. “Do you uh, want to order something? Have you had dinner yet?”

Bethany’s eyes widened, “Oh, no I have food at home. I should probably--”

“I have a tab open, really its no problem.” She said, “A friend of mind convinced the owner to give us a discount.”

As Nadine motioned for Norah the barmaid to come over, three more people entered the Tavern. 

Her day _was_ going too well, wasn’t it? Nadine wasn’t exactly trying to avoid them, but she did attempt to pull back on ending up in the ‘rag-tag group of misfits’. It was clear on Carvers inability to meet Nadine’s eyes that things weren’t ever going to be the same as it once was. 

Still, she somewhat expected something like it. Their year of servitude was almost over, and the true mess that Kirkwall was going to become was inching closer and closer. Only remembering bits and pieces of the game bothered her, making her wonder if she’d already doomed the word over buying stale bread at the market. What if that bread was essential to the plot?! She’d have no clue! She couldn’t get through a single day without catching her hands shaking from anxiety. 

She pushed it down though. She had too. 

“Nadine! I have seen you in forever!” Garrett bellowed from across the bar. “You _have_ been in Kirkwall this past year, haven’t you?”

He took a seat at their table with Carver, while Aveline had to drag a chair over to their table. Norah was already heading to the bar to get them all something to drink before she even took their orders.

Nadine glanced at her empty glass and grinned. For some reason if felt near impossible that she’d been able pull everything she’d done off. She never thought she’d make it a week in Lothering, let alone a year in Kirkwall. 

She didn’t know how she was still even able to smile. But it felt good, regardless. 

“You _know_ I can’t answer that, Hawke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we did it boysss
> 
> uhhh yeah nadine fights with a colichemarde now and is a rouge/warrior combo kinda thing


	15. Full Party

“A _week,_ Nadine. A full week, you know we don't live that far from each other, right?”

Nadine leaned against the doorway of her home with folded arms. The cackles of small barrel fires that lite darktown matched the feeling she had of waking up early on her day off. Next to Hawke, a foot or two lower, was a familiar face eyeing her with a piped interest.

“I have work, you know.” She said, “I take it just as seriously as my _days off._ ”

“Ooh, you do? Because if I remember right, our contracts were pretty similar.” He replied cheekily. “This is what, your third ‘day off’ in a row?”

She rubbed her eyes and sighed. “What do you want, Garrett?” 

She had a feeling she knew, and felt foolish for not predicting it sooner. It was all do to Nadine’s meddling that Hawke didn’t have his solid second. She had the nerve to pull a few strings above Aveline's head, making it so there no doubt Carver was in the middle of an interview with the guard at that very moment. Bethany was out doing her own thing as well, Kirkwall had more opportunities for her than she was probably expecting. 

“Well, its more like what do _you_ want. If I offered you a way out of darktown, would you take it?”

“How about you slow down and introduce your friend here?” She asked. “And try lowering your voice. Everyone wants out of darktown, and they’d have no problem stealing whatever questionable plan you have.”

Varric grinned, “Varric Tethras, Madame.” He said, “I’ve heard of your work with Anthenril, a tale that could rival Hawkes.”

The first conversation would never feel normal, but at least she wasn’t a complete mess like she was when she first met Leliana. Nadine held back a sigh. Also being called Madame just made her feel weird.

Apart of her was uneasy by the fact Varric knew of her, if anything she hoped that her name wasn’t on _anyone's_ tongue. Being a smuggler required a hint of discretion, after all. Considering she was now freelance, her image really was important. She hoped Varric only knew of her due to their similar lines of work. She could ask later. She really needed to ask later.

“A pleasure.” She muttered. Nadine glanced behind her shoulder into her house. All ready her stomach was in knots. She knew she wouldn’t be able to say no to the deep roads expedition. Why could she never say _no?_ “Well, lets discuss this ‘plan’ inside, shall we?”

She tried to look on the bright side. Despite their distance, Hawke still trusted her enough to extended his hand. 

She easily slid her spirit book underneath her bedroll before they could see. “No chairs, but the pillows by the fireplace serve just as well,” She said as she took her seat. “We try to save as much room as we can. All of my roomates are out a work for the day, so feel free to make yourselves comfortable.”

As she said that both Varric and Garrett were tiptoeing around the bedrolls and bags. Her home was set up like a permanent sleepover, the chaos of it all became charming over the months.

“This is all very...cozy.” Garrett offered. Nadine snorted. At least he tried to be polite. 

“Just sit down and fill me in.” 

Just as she said that, Ioke came over and made himself comfortable on her lap. He was peeved that he previous nap was interrupted when Hawke and Varric came knocking on the door. 

Varric took the lead in explaining how to get in on the expedition, mentioning his brothers lack of seeing a good deal when there was one. Nadine would admit, Varric spoke in a way that drew people in, regardless of what he was saying. She didn’t expect herself focusing on a conversation where she already knew the information.

“If you can keep Aveline off my back, then I’ll be _happy_ to lend my assistance. I’ll even do it for free.” 

“You know, I miss your stuttering, whatever happened it it?”

“ _Garrett,_ don’t try and change the subject.” She snapped, “Everyone knows I’m fighting even better than before. _Expect_ for Aveline.”

He sighed. “Yes, I will try and hold her back. Is that what you want?”

“Yes!”

Varric could help it and laughed, “Not fond of the guard I take it?” He asked, but he had a feeling that there was a little more to it. Her arm had been in that sling for a while, long enough for Varric to notice it probably wasn’t just a broken arm.

“Find me someone who is,” She said, “We all made it out of Ferelden together, and ever since Aveline doesn’t know how to treat me like anything but a child.”

“She means well, Nadine.” Garrett offered. 

“Want to try again? You’re not selling it very well.” She quickly sneered. 

“If it means anything, I hear your fighting skills are nothing to scoff at.” Varric tried to smooth the tensions over. “I’m curious who trained you, not many people use smallswords as of late.”

Nadine huffed, “I used to train with Hawke's brother back in Ferelden with a sword and shield.” She said. “Now I’m just self taught. Not wanting to starve is a good motivator.”

 _And occasionally letting a spirit or two give her a few tips._ It was the Chantry's loss outlawing the practice. It was no wonder that the Avvar flourished up in the mountains. It wasn’t like she had full on conversations with spirits, or that they where actually ‘friends’. No, nothing like that. They were just another resource she could learn from.

“No shit? Now I’m dying to see you in action.” 

“Yeah--yes, right--.” She took a breath, “Let’s head to sundermount then, we shouldn’t keep Aveline waiting. You said she had a job for you? I may have an idea of where to get maps for the deep roads as well, I’ll look into it after today is done.”

“Well connected, are we?” Hawke asked. Nadine frowned as he started picking at the frayed edges of one of her pillows. 

“I’ve never met him personally, but there's a healer here in darktown that’s apparently a warden.” She said, “Oh, and one more thing. Do you still have that amulet that witch gave you?”

“You remember that?”

She blinked, “Why wouldn’t I?”

“....Nevermind then,” He said, all the while Varric was hoping he’d get filled in at some point.“Yes I do. Couldn’t sell it for some damn reason.”

“You tried to sell it?!”

‘What else would I do with it?”

“Why couldn’t she have just given it to me--”

“I think it had to do with you passing out. Or _maybe_ it was all the blood you where covered in?”

Nadine felt a headache coming on. “If we’re going to the mountains, you might as well bring the amulet.” She said, “Come on, I know a fast way to lowtown. We’ll be in the mountains before you know it.”

Varric watched as the two bickered with a smirk. While Hawke joked and laughed in stressful situations, Nadine dug her feet further into the ground. They where an interesting pair, that was for sure. 

Leandra greeted Nadine with a hug when they arrived at their house. Small talk pertaining to the next time she could come over to dinner, or how work was filled the time Hawke spent rummaging through his belongings. Gamlen didn’t look pleased to see the smuggler, but surprisingly kept his mouth shut. 

Bethany was out, surprising Garrett. But Nadine made a point to divert his attention back to the amulet, and the guard waiting at the coast. 

Then the group made their way to the coast, only finding a _slightly_ annoyed Aveline waiting. The sun was getting to her, as her already fair skin was turning a shade of red. Still, already short on time they traveled through the sandy terrain and found an unsurprising ambush. 

Due to not having a single mage in their party, all of them had to be more careful. Normally Nadine would wait to establish any connection with the veil, but she needed some sort of passive buff if they were going to be fighting for what looked like the rest of the day. 

She really needed to stop thinking in game terms, but she honestly had no clue on what else to call it. 

Soul brand it was. As an arrow came whirling past her, she donned a barrier of raw energy only visible to mages well versed in the fade. Arrows and daggers started to miss more than not. Warriors running at her began to trip on their own feet, their depth perception all being a _tad_ off. 

“Somebody want to give me a hand with this?” Varric spoke over the roar of a fight. Across the way a reaver had his sights set on Varric. Bianca’s arrows couldn’t get through his armor, or even knock him back an inch. Nadine kept the moment going from her last kill to make her way behind the reaver. She slashed the back of his knees, forcing him to kneel. Once down, her blade was through his neck.

Varric shot another arrow into him as insurance as Aveline and Garrett took out the final bandit.

“Well, that settles that. The stories _really_ didn’t do you justice, ” Varric sounded just barely out of breath as he slung Biance on his back. “But don’t worry, I’ll rectify that in no time.”

“That really isn’t, uh, necessary.” She said. He sounded so nonchalant about it, but she guessed if telling stories was his ‘thing’, then it really _was_ nothing to him. “Just stick to hyping Hawke up.”

“Hyping?”

“Like, uh,” Wow she hadn’t slipped up like that since Lothering. “Promoting, or building him up, I guess, I don’t know the exact definition--no one really uses that word so it’s not important. Just forget this entire conversation?”

Oh no, he was laughing. Not full on laughing, but that it was that kind of chuckle someone does when someone else is dying in embarrassment. Like the _‘aw thats just a little pathetic’_ kind of laugh. Or at least that was how Nadine understood it.

She never even used the word hype back home. Maybe it was because she was tired. Yeah, yeah--that was it. Deep breaths Nadine. Hawke and Aveline walked over to them after having a conversation of their own. No doubt their topic being much more serious.

“Aveline is heading back to the city to tell Jeven what happened,” Hawke announced. 

“This is something that needs to be brought to attention immediately,” Aveline added. “Come to the barracks when your done as well, Hawke.”

* * *

And then the party was down to three. Nadine offered potions to both Varric and Hawke, earning an off hand mention of _‘where do all you smugglers shop?’_ from Hawke. Nadine admitted that she asked her superior, Hawen, that question when she first started. She had so many pockets now. So many. 

Eventually the sand and the sound of the sea was replaced with whispering winds and cold stone. The grass and moss leaned to shades of blue the higher up the mountain they got. There was something magical about Sundermount, but not one else seemed to notice. Maybe it was just due to the fact that Hawke and Varric grew up with the veil around them, unaware that it effected more things than they’d first assume.

Brightly colored aravels appeared over the hills and trees, and the smoke of a fire rose high into the sky. They cut through a small hoard of giant spiders closer to the Dalish camp. How or why the Dalish themselves didn’t kill them confused Nadine. Maybe as a type of insurance?

Two elves stood by the entrance nature around them provided. There armor was foreign compared to what people in the city wore. Down to the stitch, everything was different. It was beautiful, and Nadine caught herself staring.

A dalish elf with brown hair and the vallaslin of Mythal put his hand up, motioning the elf next to him wait. In a moments notice she’d be ready to grab her bow. “Hold shemlen, your kind are not welcome among the Dalish.”

Hawke raised an eyebrow, “Shemlen? What’s a shemlen?” He asked while unaware of the growing tension among the camp. 

“It means quick footed, a term some elves use to refer to humans.” Nadine spoke after realizing the clarification that Aveline would have given was gone. “And no, it’s not a slur.”

“It means your not one people, and you should leave.” The elves tone was sharp, “Now.” He said as he narrowed his eyes. More elves from the camp noticed their intrusion and started to listen in. Nadine’s eyes flashed to Garret as even Varric took a step back.

“I’m not expecting tea and cakes, I’m just need to see someone.” Hawke clarified, “I have this amulet I’ve been told to deliver.” He gave Nadine a quick glance that said, ' _this is your fault',_ to which she rolled her eyes at in response. 

As he spoke he took it out of his pocket, show casing it to the elves. He really should have announced what he was doing and have done it much _slower._ However, the glint of the amulet caught the sun, and realization dawned in their eyes. The both glanced at each other with raised eyebrows. “I was not expecting a shemlen to have been chosen by asha'bellanar” He said.

“You may enter and speak to our keeper, but cause _any_ problems and you will meet out blades,” The woman said. 

“You have our thanks,” Nadine said, and followed Hawke into the camp. Nadine supposed their was a reason why Hawke was the protagonist. No one else would have been able to calm something like that. Or completely oblivious. 

They approached keeper Marethari and answered her questions, though Nadine’s attention was anywhere but. Her focus fell on the hill leading even further up the mountain where murmurs of _something_ crept. It felt like the shadows in a small room when the final candle burnt up. For some reason Nadine was short of breath, and in a decision made in slight confusion she cut the path she made for her spirits. 

Right. Blood magic.

Then she furrowed her eyebrows. It didn’t feel like _that_ when Leech ‘healed’ her. 

Maybe... maybe Merrill was conversing with a demon. Leeches' abilities came from past deals. Merrill _must_ have been in the middle of one. Nadine decided It would be best for her to avoid using her own abilities completly until she knew that the spirits she housed wouldn’t be at risk.

“Nadine, are you coming or are you just going to stare at moss all day?”

“I don’t know, at least the moss doesn’t _sass_ me.”

Hawke barked a laugh as they traveled up the stoney pathway, filled with old decaying bones hidden by fog and weeds. Soon the echos of questions and demands danced into the back of Nadine’s head, their footprints growing louder and louder until--

“Oh! I didn’t hear. You must be the one the Keeper told me about. Anetha ara.” When Nadine blinked Merrill was right in front of her. A natural waver in a voice and a nervous looking smile never felt so...odd. It was subtle, but there was something off about her. 

But then the calm demeanor she held was too gone and replaced with the fidget of anxiety. Eyes darting back and forth between people. A small skip in her leg. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t ask your name. Unless... it’s not rude to ask a human for their name, is it?” Merrill was smaller than Nadine expected, even for an elf. “I’m Merrill. Which you probably already knew. I’m rambling, sorry.”

Hawke didn’t even so much as blink at her fumbling, his head instead glancing around with a slightly furrow to his eyebrows. “Did you hear strange noises?” He asked. 

“Oh... I didn’t hear anything.” She replied with a shrug. By the look Varric and Nadine shared, neither of them believed it. Though with Hawke standing in front of them, he had no clue.

“Well, you’ll have to work harder to offend me. My names Hawke.” He said. “And these are my companions, Nadine and Varric.”

“Thank you, I’m afraid I’m not very experienced with your kind, both humans and dwarfs.” She fiddled with her hands as she spoke. Her eyes never quiet met Hawkes as she went in depth of the ritual and the way to it.

Before long they were back to fighting, now with a mage at their side. If the staff on Merrill’s hadn’t given it away, Nadine wouldn’t know what would. They traveled through the misty mountain side and through the damp and dark caves, killing giant spiders and shadow warriors alike. Banter filled the moments when there was a bit too much blood on their blades. 

The fear that Nadine first felt during her first real fight had disappeared long ago, now comfortably numb to the state of violence that filled her life. But with Varric yelling over the ‘ _thawck’_ of his crossbow, “ _One more for me! Keeping count Hawke?”_ or Hawkes’s gleeful ‘ _Have at you!' s while_ he kicked an explosive flask into a hoard of enemies, Nadine felt a surge of enjoyment as well. 

That was a lie. Nadine _really_ preferred working alone. 

Though they hit a roadblock with blood magic was on the table. The blood from Merrills arm turned into ribbons as it twisted itself around the blue sparkling barrier. It wrapped itself layer upon layer, suffocating what ever old magic lingered. Then it was gone, the old and new magic. Nadine was in awe, it looked beautiful in a morbid way. Nothing like the cut and dry method that Leech had. When she looked back at Hawke, however, she learned she was alone in her curiosity. 

“Blood magic,” Nadine supplied. “You seem to have rather good control over it.”

Merrill opened her mouth to defend herself, but looked like she was caught off guard by Nadine’s more... gentle comment. A second passed as Merrill caught her own reflection in Nadine’s eyes, then a look of recognition. 

“ _Yes_ I’m careful with all magic. The spirit helped us, didn’t it?” She replied, her voice having a charm of hopefulness to it. 

“Call it what it is. You summoned a _demon_.” Hawke’s voice was abrupt, and inwardly Nadine cursed at him. If she ever wondered about keeping her skills a secret, she had all of the confirmation she needed. 

“Demons are just spirits, like honor or joy. Its not their fault they are what they are.” Merrill said. Nadine gave her a small nodded that Hawke didn’t see. 

Merrill went on to speak of ancient elves and the land they currently walked on. While Hawke lead, Nadine noticed the watchful eye she had on her from Varric. 

She turned her pace a step or two slower, and Varric matched it. 

“Merrill is no one to fear. She was her clans first for a reason, out of anyone she knows the risk best.” She said in a lower voice.

“You place your trust in strangers pretty fast, don't you?” He replied. “You might want to save your defense on Hawke. He looks paler than a dead nug.”

Nadine sighed when she noticed his state. Out of all the things to be scared of, a pretty elf just jumped to the top of his list. She supposed it would be out of everyone's best interest if she spoke to Hawke later. She never thought about it before, but Hawke didn’t _have_ to get along with everyone. 

But a rivaled Merrill would be a deal breaker for her. Hawke was never harsh, definitely not harsh enough to hurt someone on purpose... but Nadine would want someone to stand up for her if she was in Merrill's place. 

Honestly, if he ‘rivaled’ anyone to the degree possible in the game...

Why did she never think about that before?

No, Hawke just wasn’t like that. She could see him having an argument or two, but he wasn’t some monster. He was a real person, Nadine reminded herself that. 

Merrill walked up to the alter, briefly looking down the cliff side of the mountain as she took a breath. The elven words that she spoke sounded like poetry. Then, with a gust of wind and the quiet hum of magic that made the hairs on Nadine’s arm shoot up--spirals of brights oranges and yellows sweeps across the mountain. The ground underneath them shook and convulsed with swelling energy. 

Then, like a lead falling to the ground--it all came to a halt. In its place was the woman with eyes matching one of a dragons. The pot behind her on the alter burned a bright blue fire, yet with no smoke to speak of.

“Aah, and here we are!” Her old voice croaked. Merrill bowed, saying elvish words that Nadine didn’t recognize. Flemeth held no expression for the respect Merrill was showing.

“One of the people, I see, So young and bright. Do you know who I am, beyond that title?”

“I know only a little.” Merrill didn’t raise her head as she spoke. 

“Then stand. The people bend their knee too quickly.” She said, a hint of amusement on her face. Her eyes landed on Hawke, “So refreshing to see someone who keeps their end of the bargain. I half expected my amulet to end up inside a merchants pocket!”

“No one wanted to buy it, I guess it had to do with the fact that there was a witch inside."

“Just a piece. A small piece, but it was all that I needed.” She said, “A bit of security, should the inevitable occur. And if I know my Morrigan than it already has.”

“What exactly are you?” Hawke narrowed his eyes. Flemeth laughed, a twinkle settled in her eyes as her gaze turned to Nadine.

“Your friend here hasn’t told you? Smart girl. Now's your chance now to rectify that.” 

Nadine scratched the side of her face, looking away from Hawke. “She’s a, uh, old-- _very_ old, woman. That’s far more than we need to know, I assure you.”

The wrinkles around Flemeth's eyes grew deeper. “I see now how you’ve survived this long. Don’t falter from the path you’ve found. It’s the only thing that will keep you alive.” She said. Flemeth then walked to Hawke, standing in front of him with the attitude that would normally find itself in a real dragon. “You do not need to understand, child. Know only that you may have saved my life, just as I once saved yours. An even trade, I think.”

She then turned back around to the edge of the cliff. 

“Destiny awaits us both, dear boy. We have much to do. Before I go, a word of advice?” She said. 

And thus her spiel went on. The cloudy skies above hid every word spoken, and every glance taken. Nadine herself was already wondering what questions she’d eventually have to answer. How she manged to make it so far without even a single raised eyebrow after her first encounter with Flemeth, she didn’t understand. 

Nadine took a few quiet steps back from the group while their attention was taken. When she was far enough away, she made her way back down the mountain alone. Once she saw a dragon fly through the sky--she reminded herself that she couldn’t stand around and stare. 

She noticed the look Garrett gave her when Flemeth spoke to her. He no doubt was wondering what exactly she was hiding. If it wasn’t clear from her first meeting with the old witch, it was now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally chapter 16. OG chapter 15 was about nadine doing some blackmailing in order to go above aveline to get Carver in with the guard. also her hanging out with leech (the blood mage two chapters back) talking about her arm and spirits. it sounds more interesting that it actually is. i couldn't write it in an exciting way, so i just decided to skip it all together? rip to 3k words of absolutely nothing. So i added a few details to this chapter to fill in the gaps to make it not too confusing? Add a bit of mystery to what she's been doing? IDK
> 
> Thank you to everyone who have kept up with this story and to everyone who have left kudos and comments! it means a lot uvu


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